One month

I took a couple pictures yesterday just because Owen was being so darn cute. When I went to bed last night I realized it was his one month birthday so I thought I had to share. Baby acne and all.




This is so boring!



Now you're starting to piss me off.



Never mind, I'm over it.



Feel free to gush over his awesome new quilt.

For the record, even though he was up to 7 lbs 2 oz when we went to the doctor yesterday the outfit he is wearing is preemie. I put a pair of newborn pants on him the other day and when I picked him up they slid off. Thank God it was so hot that day he was able to just go with just a onesie.

Frogs, snails, and puppy dog tails

The other night Jeremy was mowing our jungle yard and brought in a toad for Brendan. He said that while he was mowing he found a snake and figured bringing in the toad was better. Um, ok. Brendan has had an obsession with frogs for awhile now so he was quite pleased. They played with the huge "frog" for quite awhile. Brendan was in heaven but wasn't willing to hold it. Shoot, he barely wanted to touch it. It was time to release the creature after Amos snatched it up and tried to claim it for himself.

Last night Jeremy came in with yet another one. This time it was just a tiny "frog". Brendan was much more brave and was willing to touch it, hold it, and even pick it up. Oh, I'm so proud.

Owen In Wonderland

When I woke up this morning I was raring to spend the day lounging about the house with my family and avoiding the outside world. Of course today was neurosurgeon day and I really did not want to travel...and the last couple of days have been decent...so I did not want my bubble to burst as a result of any sort of bad news. Sadly, reality does not care what you want or do not want...it demands that you react on cue and be the responsible adult...so we loaded Owen and Brendan up in the car and began our journey. Brendan was dropped off at Grandma Ahlers because we were fearful of his mood being penned up in a hospital once again. Of course, he was also ticked about being dropped off at his Grandma's because the separation anxiety has failed to subside in the slightest way.

After dropping Brendan off we headed down to Madison. It was refreshing to listen to the music on my ipod instead of the Backyardigans and their mind numbing little ditties that seem to be on repeat every time Mr. Brendan is in the car. We decided head down University Avenue to get to the Childrens Hospital and that was a bad idea because the road construction was a major pain and it took forever to get to where we were going. By the time we got to the hospital exit...it was late enough that we could not go somewhere for lunch and make our appointment so we were going to have to eat at the UW cafeteria. I was not completely disappointed because I have grown a taste for hospital food and I was curious to see if UW's cafeteria food would be as good as Meriter. Sad yes...but you when you make a career out of spending time at medical facilities...you get your kicks wherever they may become available.

As we rounded the front entry of the hospital...there was a bronzed statue of what I assume was supposed to be a family...it was kind of creepy and I was in a weird state because we were entering a children's hospital (somewhere I never felt I would ever have to go to) and I was anxious...not just to be going to the hospital but to have to conquer the parking ramp ahead of me and I am not a fan of parking ramps. This particular ramp was awful. It went down instead of up...was very poorly marked as to which direction you needed to go...and had sections that looked like they ended only to see...SURPRISE! You could proceed down this little pathway. For someone who does not enjoy the parking process...the complexity of it all was unsettling and I wanted to get this appointment over with.

Once we were parked...we wandered aimlessly through the poorly marked underground parking area only to stumble upon the elevator entrance. We loaded up on the elevator and went up to the main lobby floor. The lobby area did not look like a hospital. It looked like something out of Alice in Wonderland...or Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory. It was painted in pastel colors and had portions that looked like city streets. There was a cow sculpture that was modeled into the shape of a train. It was a visual overload and what I would believe an acid trip in the 70's would have looked like. I needed to use the restroom which once again had a large green door with a push area...but a door handle low to the floor (I am assuming at a child's height) that you had to reach down and use to get in the bathroom. I don't like public restrooms with door handles...so once again, I was very displeased.

Next we had enough time to kill so we headed over to the actual UW in order to get some lunch. We followed the signs to the cafeteria only to end up in the Atrium waiting for an elevator. As we waited...I realized the last time I waited at this elevator I was with my Gram (who passed away over a year ago of lung Cancer) to go to one of her appointments. I looked down the hallway and noticed the sign to radiology and as I broadened my perspective...I could actually see my Gram scuffling down the hallway in her little salmon colored pant suit...her hair all done up and her eye brows drawn on just right. A heaviness settled in my chest and a little tinge of sadness sparked through my body and DING the elevator arrived to take us to the cafeteria.

Focused back on the prospect of a little lunch, we proceeded to board the elevator. The cafeteria was fantastic and I am afraid it was much better than Meriter's. It was very swank (I just wanted to use that word). It had been completely remodeled since the last time I was there. It had a little area to purchase subs, a large area to make your own salad, a little bakery to purchase baked goods. There was a section of Asian foods and a section for comfort foods. There were a variety of drinks from cappuccinos to energy drinks. All different brands. There were tons of different desserts to choose from...I think I gained a few pounds just thinking about them. I was impressed...but we settled on some fried mushrooms and a barbecued pulled pork sandwich. Both were very good and satisfying. I wanted dessert...but I was not the least bit hungry by the time I finished what we had...and really I need to put down the fork and go for a run. Unfortunately, we have many more hospital trips in our future...so I will be able to schedule a date with a piece of Peanut Butter Pie real soon.

After lunch we headed up to the 3rd floor of the childrens hospital for Owen's appointment. Once again...there was different decor...but it was very busy, brightly colored and for me, frightening. They had little rooms that you needed to go into to register...so while April did that, I sat on a couch in the lobby and cased the place out. There was a large fish aquarium farther down the way that I thought Brendan would be interested in. I saw a painting of a man and an arrow...must be a mens restroom. Next to that, a painting of a woman and an arrow...must be a womens restroom. Good to know. Then I saw a picture of a dog and an arrow pointing to the doors. Hmmmm....are their that many sick children with dogs needed to assist them that they have their own little place to keep them during their appointments? They could not possibly have an area designated to letting the dogs go to the bathroom...that would be stupid. But then...it is all concrete all around the hospital and I suppose if they need to go they need to go and it would be logical to have an area for them to be able to urinate. Hmmmm....Before I could embarrass myself with anymore ridiculous pondering of the concept...April reappeared and told me to follow her to the waiting area we needed to be in.

By the time we were walking towards that area...Owen had started to fuss and all I was thinking about was getting seated so I could give him some bottle...so I did not look around at anything else. I started feeding him and he was ravenous...and just a few sucks into the bottle, we were already being summoned to head to the examination room. We followed this stout troll like lady into one of the rooms. She looked to be in her late 40's/early 50's with short bobbed hair and a sharp demeanor. I did not think she was very personable. She asked that we allow her to weigh Owen and when April commented he probably would not need to be undressed...she snapped...yes he does! So she and April worked on undressing him and weighing him. He gained again...woo hoo! Next thing you know we were being whisked off to another exam room for no apparent reason. Here the Troll Nurse measured the circumference of Owen's head to find it had increased 1 cm. After the typical pre-exam question and answer session she said the doctor would be in shortly and left. The room was painted in an awful pepto-bismol pink. There was a barn and a bale of hay painted on the ceiling. The doctor's chair as well as the benches around the room were cow print. A little child has clearly had fun once with the doctor's chair since it was doodled on with black pen. As we waited, I wondered how children would find this soothing.

It wasn't long before the neurosurgeon arrived. He was the same older gentleman that we had met at Meriter. He was followed into the room by a young male medical student and a young Asian female medical student. The surgeon introduced himself as if we had never met him before (and I am pretty positive he did not remember we had) which once again made things more surreal and unnerving....so because of this (and the fact he had creepy long pauses between his statements over the course of the appointment) I will refer to the neurosurgeon (not to be confused with the neurologist Dr.Elmo) as Gramps Creeper...since we was a creepy Grandpa type that was friendly but odd. Anyway...Gramps Creeper and his staff introduced themselves and proceeded to surround April, Owen and myself to begin the appointment. Gramps would ask questions and we would answer...this would be followed by bouts of silence as he read the computer screen in front of him. He had some trouble finding the scans of Owen's to review and the disorganization of the meeting made things awkward. He wrote his notes with a calligraphy pen and I chose to listen to the scratching of this pen against the paper as the doctor's mumbled to one another.

Eventually a little bit of information was divulged about Owen's current state. Only about 1/3 of the bleed remains in his brain at this time. The area where the blood has been has now filled with spinal fluid and so hydrocephalus (as predicted) has set in. Gramps Creeper said that a shunt would need to be put in but they would hold off as long as they could because he would like the blood to be gone before doing the procedure. Doing it now would increase the risk of infection as well as a clogging of the shunt (which could happen as a result of the dried blood material in the brain). He asked that we return in 2 weeks (and attend all of our other scheduled appointments) so he could evaluate things again at this time. If Owen's head were to swell 2 cm or more in a week...he wanted him back sooner. I asked about the cysts in his head and he reviewed the scan again and pointed them out (I knew where they were...I just wanted to know the consequence of them). He reiterated that they were caused by a dissolving of tissue where the bleed had been inside the brain matter and said that typically cysts like those did not increase in size or cause any issue. April asked if there were long term affects because of the cysts or bleed and he told us that the prognosis for Owen's case is very vast. The possibilities are so endless because they really have no idea what the result of all of this will be until time shows us what they are. As April and I discussed later....it is frustrating to have no real prognosis...but on the other hand...it means the possibility of something great happening is just as possible as something bad. So we continue to hope for the best. Gramps Creeper drew a diagram showing us how and where a shunt would be inserted. He said if it was done soon...it may need to be an external shunt for a couple of days until they were confident dried blood material would not clog it and then it would be run internally. A shunt is permanent. The procedure itself would take about 45 minutes and runs about a 7% risk of something going awry. Without it...the hydrocephalus would not go away on its own and the swelling would continue. This means that a surgery is in our future along with more nights in the hospital and probably at the Ronald McDonald house. The news was not great but not devastating. Gramps Creeper then bid us adieu and we dressed Owen and headed back out in the lobby to schedule our next appointment.

Again...April went to schedule the appointment and I sat on a couch with Owen looking around. Straight ahead of me was a men's restroom. Next were a set of double doors with a sign in front of it with a cat and an arrow pointing towards the door. A little ways away was doors with a barn painted on a sign and the arrow. It was at this point I realized how fried my brain has become and a grin streamed across my face. They did not have an area for dogs....those signs were indicators for children to know what section of the facility they were in and to make it easily identifiable to them so they could get where they were going. We went into the doors with the barn sign and ended up in a room with a barn on the ceiling. DUH! Of course, my stupidity could have been my own little secret...but now I have shared it with all of you!

We left the hospital still feeling optimistic which has kind of been the theme this week. Owen has continued to eat well and the spits have been few and far between. The concept of brain surgery is scary....but a bridge we will need to cross when we come to it. I guess this truly is an adventure and one that we will tackle one challenge at a time.

I would like to end this blog with a couple Brendan stories since he was not part of this post so far and he is such an enjoyable little monster. I don't know if it is in his water or what...but while his vocabulary is vast...he spices it up every once in a while with an English accent. I am not quite sure where it came from...but it is very prominent at times and quite humorous. None of his cartoons have characters that speak with English accents...so I don't get it.

Brendan is also becoming even more mischievous. Owen has a large tub of Vaseline that we use to put on his gauze for his circumcision area...and Brendan has stolen this tub numerous times to see how much Vaseline he can ingest before we catch him. Disturbing? Yes! He has discovered he can climb and tonight while playing in his room...he brought out a package of little kid crayons that I swore I had hidden from him in his crib he never uses. When I refused to open them for him...he disappeared. A few minutes later he was crying and April went to check on him. He had scaled the side of his crib (which is what he must have done before) and was leaned over the railing of the crib with his hands on the mattress and his legs dangling over the side. The weight distribution must have been wrong and he was just stuck. He was crying because he needed to be saved. He has tried to sneak out the back door numerous times recently and has been known to sneak a crayon or two in another room for a snack. I think we may have a bit of a handful with Mr. Brendan and a possible bad influence on his baby brother Owen. I'll keep you posted on that too!

Peace and quiet

Ah, to be able to slumber without the constant interuptions from those pesky (but loving) nurses.

The daily grind

Since Jeremy went back to work, I've been on my own all week. It's not as bad as I thought it would be most of the time. Brendan has been much more cooperative than I ever imagined he would be, with a few moments of questionable behavior.

I've been straying from the every two hour feeding schedule because it's too hard. By the time he was done eating it was practically time to start again. Owen is doing really well with bigger feedings a little more spaced out. Trying to feed him every two hours like clockwork, entertain Brendan, and finding time in between to pump was brutal.

This is Brendan chatting with Owen Sunday morning. I don't think he realized I was witnessing this.

I'm not ashamed to admit that I use TV as a survival tool. If it wasn't for Backyardigans, Dora, Diego, and Mickey Mouse feedings and pumping would never happen.

Brendan doesn't typically get too close to Owen. He will watch but doesn't want to touch him. He did help me lotion Owen's feet yesterday. He thought it was fun, but looked like he might be peeing himself at the same time. He is always very curious when it comes to diaper changes. I know you are going to be shocked by this, but the other day he pointed out Owen's penis as we were changing him. Then looked concerned by the whole Vaseline thing. I didn't explain, I just went on about my business. I didn't feel the need to explain a circumcision to him. Sunday morning I was in the kitchen and Brendan was talking to Owen. I kept hearing him say over and over "Penis, penis". I ignored and went about continued with what I was doing. Then it hit me like a ton of bricks what he was proclaiming. I turned around to find Brendan with the jar of Vaseline and a handful of it that he was snacking on. Oh yes. I took the Vaseline away, cleaned him up, and we went on with our lives.

Yesterday I was feeding Owen and Brendan was sitting on the other end of the couch watching TV with us. He was enjoying himself and being an angel. Or so I thought. I glanced over to find him with the damn jar of Vaseline again. Really? It can't possibly taste good that you'd go back for seconds. Apparently to him it does.

Today I finished changing Owen and was getting his bottle ready. When I came back in the room I found Brendan with the Vaseline yet again. This time he wasn't hungry. Apparently his skin was very dry and only Vaseline could help. His hair needed some conditioning too. Vaseline does not come out of hair easily. Today we are going to attempt again to remove it using cornstarch. Wish us luck. The Vaseline is now out of reach.

These pictures make it look a lot better than it really was.

Back To Life

When we finally left the hospital after spending over 3 weeks in a tiny confined space....it took a bit to re-acclimate to life on the outside. When I say we, I mean our entire family. You would be surprised to see how affected even the tiniest of people (Brendan) can be after a situation like this. A combination of trying to resume life as it was...and sheer exhaustion have been the primary contributing factors to the lack of posts. That and the consistent ups and downs made for compelling storytelling...where as the aftermath (thank goodness) has been more peaceful and uneventful.

Owen is doing very well at home so far. He has been eating and we have been gradually increasing the amount of food we give him. It has been a slow process, but the spit ups have been minimal and at his appointment on Monday, we found that he had gained a nice little chunk of weight...which is a sign that we are getting this feeding thing right. For the most part, he has been waking on his home wanting to eat. He presents himself as a much more average baby outside of the hospital. His good moments far outweigh his bad. When he wakes up we change him and do some of his mobility exercises with him just in case he has any stiffness or lack of tone. I really feel he is quite strong and will be interested to see what the therapist has to say next time we see her. He is always very eager to eat and usually downs his bottle in record time. He coos and plays....looks around at his new surroundings and seems to really enjoy the movement and brightness of the sun when it shines through the windows. I suppose after being confined to a dark little room....seeing people moving around and hearing new noises is very stimulating. For the most part, he gets up for his feedings at night and goes right back to bed. Of course, sleep is a scarcity because if he is not up....Brendan is...but we will deal with that in due time. At Owen's appointment we also learned that his head circumference had not expanded all that much and the doctor (his new pediatrician) seemed pretty content with the way he was thriving. Good news has been a little harder to come by than bad news in this whole saga....so we appreciate each and every step forward.

Brendan has been MUCH more content at home. I think he is just so thrilled to have his toys easily accessible and freedom to wander into any room he wants and make as much noise as he wants (which let me assure you he does) without being told to shush. Sunday we never left the house because we had that option. I think Brendan was actually relieved to be able to just chill in his surroundings for an extended period of time. When it comes to April and myself....Brendan still has some severe separation anxiety. He wants us both around him all of the time. We get plenty of hugs and kisses and overall his mood is very good. The downside is that we are not allowed any down time for ourselves because he constantly has a book, some colors, or an activity that he wants us to participate with. Even the stillness of a quiet night after the little beast is asleep is virtually impossible because he wants to snuggle. Once Brendan time is officially over....we usually have so little energy left ourselves we just go to bed. It seems one of the boys is back up before you know it.

As we experience this lull between appointments (and the zillion trips to and from Madison), I have returned to the daily grind. I have to say it is easier to work during a more normal shift and then be able to go home for the evening than it was to work after a super long day filled with doctors and tension. I realize my perspective on things have changed so much in such a short amount of time. I have a much more sympathetic nature to all of the causes out there trying to help people in need. I found myself carefully reading different donation request letters that I am always receiving in the mail and really pondering how I can help them out the most. I realize through the loss of my grandmother and the birth of Owen that there are some truly incredible organizations out there that do so much for people in need....and having partaken in their generosity myself, I find it important to give back wherever possible from now on.

April is healing well from her c-section surgery. She has had the honor (and the challenge) of handling both the boys while I am at work. So far, so good. Although she too is denied any free time or sleep. That will be coming one of these days soon...right?

Next up is an appointment with the neurosurgeon on Thursday to see if they feel they need to proceed with the consideration of a shunt for Owen...or if they think he is holding his own for the time being and can be left alone. I am anxious to talk to Dr. Elmo to find out more about the cause of and expectation of the two little cysts they found in an area where part of Owen's bleed had been. The questions are always building in my head....but I have been so appreciative of the time we have had to just be a family at last. It is nice to see Brendan's reaction to his new little brother (which I have to say has been very positive so far). It has been great eating a homecooked meal (and maybe shedding a few pounds now that we are not on the neverending restauarant grease diet). Sleeping in our own bed has been a luxury that I think I appreciate the most....and actually getting more than an hour of sleep is a big aspiration of mine.

So there is more to come....once again, I apologize for boring you....but it is so much easier on us mentally to live this normal existence then it was to be a part of the soul crushing experiences we had to go through over the course of the first few days of Owen's life with us. I have to say he is as cute as a button and we hope to be able to bring him around and share the little miracle witn you soon! Until then.....have a great evening!

A New Day Has Come

Yesterday proved to be really quite pointless. We arrived in the morning to find that we had yet another nurse. I think she might have been my least favorite of them all...outside of Bitch Face who I am still bitter about. We will refer to this nurse as Nurse Agatha...since she looked like an Agatha. She was a stout lady in her sixties with a strange speech impediment and a chest that lost its battle with gravity. She would meander into the room looking very clueless and when she referred to someone it would only be towards "the mother". When we first got there and sat down...we had to wait a while for Nurse Agatha to arrive. When she finally came into the room...she looked right past me where I was sitting in plain view and looked to the other side of the room behind the supply cart where April was sitting and she asked if she was the mother. Then she proceeded to talk to and respond to only April. As the day progressed...Brendan was a little unruly and April spent a great deal of time entertaining him and I devoted most of my time to tending to Owen. After Owen had his lunch (which I fed him) and the next nurse came in...Nurse Agatha started to explain what had happened throughout the day...and "his mother" fed him and he ate...blah, blah, blah...and "his mother" told me...blah, blah, blah. That was when I made the firm decision that Nurse Agatha and I were never going to be friends. Outside of her annoying me...Brendan was not in the mood for hospitals....we asked to speak to Frank and he never came to speak to us. Owen had a head ultrasound and no one gave us the results. We finally left frustrated later in the day because we really accomplished nothing and learned nothing.

Today, on the other hand, was a different story. When we arrived...Babbles was sitting at the nurses station and commented as we were entering the room..."so today is the day huh?". I replied "for real?" I said it in a joking tone...but I was serious. We have been waiting for so long for this opportunity that I think we started to just assume that we were going to just keep on waiting indefinitely. When we got into the room...we started asking the nurse on duty questions and she seemed relatively clueless and kept referring to his notes on the computer. When I asked about his head ultrasound...she asked that I come read the screen since it was a "whole paragraph". I did not understand a majority of the medical jibberish...and when I asked her to explain it to me...she said she would just go find Frank...which she did.

Frank explained that indeed Owen would be able to leave today. He had gained 100 oz. and his spitting had improved. We were going to need to continue with the 2 hour feedings until we felt more confident to increase the amount of his feedings and until Owen was keeping everything down that we were getting in. His head circumference had increased 1 cm overnight which was a major jump. I was very surprised that they were still allowing us to leave considering the circumstances...but I was not going to argue. Frank said there had also been a significant increase in the ventricles in Owen's brain...but once again...they were still proceeding with his release. He took us over to see his latest scan which as he spoke was really very unsettling to me. The blood still fills a majority of the right side of his brain. The fear reflex set it and I did not ask as many questions as I should...but the right side was very full. On the left side...there were 2 small spots where the blood has dissipated...but it dissolved that little dot of brain and in those 2 areas are now 2 small cysts. This was something brand new with this particular scan because before there had been blood in those areas. Frank went on to explain the swollen ventricle...but I wanted to know more about the cysts. When I asked them what they would mean as far as Owen's well being...he told me he did not know. Then I asked what usually happens and he repeated he did not know. If this happens in a preemie it yields very bad results...but in a full term child such as Owen...he had no idea what it meant and that would be a question for Dr.Elmo. I started to feel more uneasy...but then I realized that it made no sense to panic now....this was a happy day...so we would cross those other bridges when we came to it.

We returned back to our room and the nurse gave us his discharge papers. As I reviewed all of the facts and tests he has been through...I looked at the laundry list of appointments that have been scheduled for us in the weeks to come. While we were leaving the Madison NICU...we will still be making ample trips back and forth to Madison. We will also be getting a new pediatrician in Reedsburg for whom we will be meeting for the first time on Monday. The discharge papers explained that a shunt would still most likely be necessary...Frank explained they were still trying to hold off as long as they could because dried blood particles could clog the shunt and they wanted a majority of it would be gone first...and there is still a chance that maybe the fluid will cure itself...so lets hope so and lets hope there are no more cysts!

The process of leaving was far less eventful than I anticipated. We packed up our stuff and changed Owen into his first outfit of his very own. When we strapped him in his car seat...he looked so very small! After we left the hospital...we went out to lunch at Ella's Deli. After we ate...we fed him...and then drove home. Amazingly the bumpy car ride did not cause any spit ups!!! But Owen has never been a big cry baby...but he cried a great deal on the way home. Our suspicion was that the buckle of his car seat kept bumping him in his boy area which had just been circumcised the night before. Brendan would get annoyed every once in awhile and say "Oh Owen!"...and then pitch a small fit of his own. I think he was being competitive.

Once we got Owen into the house...we witnessed this little guy at his all time best. So far this evening he has had 3 feedings and one VERY SMALL spit up. Between his 8 and 10 pm feeding...he was wide awake and playful the entire time. He followed us with his eyes as we played with him. His hands were very busy reaching and grabbing. He was annoyed when Brendan hit his bed time and turned into the uber hyper toddler. At 10 we increased our prescribed 35 cc feeding to a 40 cc feeding and so far so good...no spits! I am not excited about the 2 hour interval feedings...but to have him home where he belongs and seemingly enjoying it thus far...I have absolutely no complaints!

Outside of the fact that Owen was released...I realize this particular entry was rather dull...but it is worth it! As I see how well he is doing tonight...I start to panic about all the things that could be yet to come. The feeding clinic...the surgeon...the physical therapists...the cysts...and the worry starts to set in. But then I was reminded that we need to stay right here in the moment. Right now our Owen is HOME! He defied the odds and he pulled through and that is nothing short of amazing. Fearing what could happen is a terrible idea because we can't control that and worrying about it now really will do nothing for us later.

Tomorrow we are planning a day at home. There are no intentions to leave the house...visit a hospital (that's Monday)...and for the first time in over 3 weeks...we will have the opportunity for April, myself and our two boys to just begin our adventure as the fab 4 and just be a family! What more could you ask for? So while this chapter comes to a close....we thank everyone again for their continued support and hope to share the little miracle that is Owen with you soon!

And while this has been a monumental day for Owen...I would like to give Brendan the opportunity to share the spotlight...

A couple nights ago...Brendan was up for pretty much the entire evening hollering at the top of his lungs. He was not feeling well as a result of his ear infection and all he wanted to do was yell. I got home from work and could hear him wailing from the bedroom. I had intended to take a half an hour or so to put music on my ipod...but April had texted me a couple of time while I was working mentioning Brendan was still fussing...so I decided to attempt to calm him down so she could have a break. When I got in the bedroom...he was still crying. Calming him down was not an easy task....and he continued to scream...so we tried to settle him in the living room. That was not working...so April decided to try to rock him in his chair. I heard him calling out "dad" so I went in and was talking to him in the dark. He asked for me...so I took him off April's lap and rocked him standing up. Finally! Some sweet silence. I rocked a bit longer and thought he might be sleeping when from the pitch dark he said "Nipples"...and a couple seconds later "Nipples" again. I am assuming he was playing off the fact that we had started giggling at him. It was kind of hard to be angry at him still after that one because he grabbed that tense moment and made it humorous. Once again...a Lee boy never fails to entertain and amuse...so stay tuned and until next time...Good Night!

I'm going home

May we never have to see the inside of room #5 of the NICU at Meriter Hospital again.

Cuz we are outta here!

It was a long ride home and someone wasn't pleased about it. Surprisingly, Brendan was not the culprit. Owen cried from Portage to home. He has since eaten and is now napping. Ahhhh....

We several appointments this week in both Reedsburg and Madison plus more in the next month but at least we are home.

I will have Jeremy update you with some of the stuff the doctor told us when we met with him before we left. Keep your fingers crossed that Owen does well with his feedings now that we are home and continues to have few, if no, spits.

We got several cards and gifts in the mail and on our doorstep this week. In case I don't get to sending cards right away, THANK YOU to everyone who has sent us gifts. We appreciate it more than we can tell you!

Just to see you smile

Here are some pictures from the last few days and the video of him smiling for all those skeptics.









And if you haven't already read it, be sure to scroll down for today's update.

Slowly But Surely

We left the hospital yesterday on a relatively good note...the nurses had been explaining the pros and cons of circumcisions which will FINALLY be performed on Owen soon. I certainly do not want to cause him any pain...but I would really like the procedure done before he leaves the hospital. At the time we walked out the door he had several feedings and no spit ups. So we were pretty optimistic. On the elevator up to the car we met Manly Martha. She was a tall, gruff looking woman with a deep voice. While she was very rough and tough in appearance and sound...she had an instant likability. She said Hello to Brendan and asked him if he liked motorcycles (which he does). Typically Brendan has no time for strangers...but he was curious about Manly Martha and listened intently. Martha told him that SHE had a motorcycle and it was red...and maybe we would see her driving it. We did! I had misplaced the car keys so it took us a little longer to get going as we left and there went Manly Martha zipping down the parking ramp. While our experience with Manly Martha was brief...it was like a good day all wrapped up in 30 seconds. Thanks for the good times Martha and ride with us on the elevator again soon!

I headed off to work for the evening and April went home with Brendan who was a bit riled up. My evening was acceptable...I did my work and was not quite as overwhelmed as I usually am. April's night did not proceed so well because Brendan was Cranky (capital C) and was not in the mood for anything but being ticked off. By the time I was driving home...the weather was nice I did not feel weighted down with worries. For just a few minutes I felt "normal" again and even a bit peaceful. This all came an to an abrupt end at bedtime when Brendan came to the conclusion that he would be staying up all night hollering. It does not take to long for things to shift in the opposite direction.

After a sleepless night...we took Brendan to the clinic in Reedsburg to find that his ear infection was not clearing up and was given a different kind of antibiotic. The doctor was not fearful of him being contagious because he had been on an antibiotic...so no worries there ladies and gentlemen. But, because he was a little surlier than usual...we dropped him off at Grandma's for the day. He was feeling pretty clingy and wanted his Mom and Dad...so we needed to lure him out on to the deck and distract him with looking for a cat out in the woods and then...when he wasn't looking...we took off in a dead run towards the car....literally. He noticed the swift movement and instantly began to chase after us, but we did not look back. We heard the exhale for the scream as soon as he noticed us leaving and it was not until we were closing the doors of the car that we heard the release of rage and frustration. Of course, it made me feel awful...but I think he needs another day of sun and relaxation if his ears are sore rather than being held up in a dingy hospital room.

I also want to point out that I recognize I have made mention of Brendan's less than stellar behavior, but until the fiasco that really took off last night...he did very well back at the hospital. He was for the most part quiet and considerate to the other babies around (not that he knows them very well since they all come and go so darn quickly while Owen remains in captivity)...and he played with his tool box and gave lots of hugs and kisses and was basically a fluffy cheeked little teddy bear. So much attention goes to Owen and his ups and downs that I thought it was important to take a moment to point out the incredible little guy that is Brendan. On our way home yesterday he was so tired...but the music was playing and even though he was squinting his eyes shut and falling asleep...he was still rocking out. Soon, he was out completely and we stopped at Walmart to get some milk. As we pulled into the parking spot the music was still going and he popped out of a deep sleep....eyes wide open...and started rocking out again. When I got back out of Walmart he was conked out again. When we pulled into our driveway we pulled up next to our mailbox. There is a tree branch that hangs a little low and always smacks the top of the car. It really needs to be cut down but I don't have a saw. Anyway, April had rolled her window down to reach in the mailbox and as we pulled along side of it...a bit of the branch swung in and out of the window. We thought nothing of it until we heard this giggle coming from the back seat. There sat Brendan laughing out loud. When I asked him what was funny he said..."Tree....FUNNY!" and proceeded to laugh about the tree branch coming through the window up the driveway the entire time we got him out of the car and into the house. They are so easily entertained at that age.

Anyway...back to the present. We headed off to Madison a little bit behind schedule (as a result of Brendan's appointment). We arrived in Owens rooms and waited for what seemed like an eternity (which was really about 15 minutes) for someone to come in and tell us how he was doing. Finally one of the newer, younger nurses arrived to give us an update. She is a perky little blonde that has been very good to Owen so far. I will refer to her as Nurse Nightingale. She told us that Owen had a pretty large spit for his 8 o'clock feeding but other than that has been spit free. His head circumference had grown...but only like .2 cm which is much less severe than before. The bad news was that he lost weight...about 20 grams. Instantly my mood soured and I crossed my arms. What the Hell? Another setback? But Nurse Nightingale counteracted the unhappy news that he lost weight with the fact that all of the tubes and the board for the PICC IV were part of the weight figures they were going off of. Yesterday was his first day off of his TPN and it is very likely that all of that accounted for some of the weight loss. None the less, I was tired...and now very cranky and I sat in the rocking chair stewing in my frustration that our hospital lifestyle would continue. I drifted in and out of sleep all the while knowing Owen would need to eat soon so I needed to pep up.

At 2 o'clock...April had wandered off to get some water...so I meandered over to Owen's crib side to start his diaper change and get him ready to eat. They had him wrapped like a mummy under 40 layers of clothes and I crabbily peeled the blankets off to get to his diaper. This woke him up but I was so busy being self-indulgent and ridiculous in my bitterness that I did not really take note. I decided to relax a little for his sake and noticed his legs were looking kind of dry so I grabbed some lotion to rub on them. Just as things decline...they also get better...and in an instant the rubbing of the lotion on the legs perked Owen right up. He was kicking his legs and moving around like your average newborn baby. When I worked the lotion into his feet he crinkled his little toes and smiled the biggest smile you have ever seen. I know you are thinking it was gas...but it was NOT. It was a smile and a couple more of them followed. He was reaching around with his arms and his eyes were just sparkling. He was so lively and content that it just made everything right in the world. We changed his diaper and fed him and he was alert and playful throughout the entire feeding. When he finished eating, I hovered over him creepily (as people so creepily do to babies) and talked to him leaning in and then standing up again to really accentuate the over all creepy father factor. He watched closely and focused in wherever I was. When I stepped to the side...he got some sunlight on his face and got this super shocked look on his face which was extremely entertaining. Feedings are stressful because we are always waiting for the projectile climax...what we got was a nice burp and a "baby size" spit up that was so minute and average that it did not even require re-feeding or any cause for alarm. April punched him as hard as she could in the face and he cried (actually she grazed the tip of his nose with her fingernail and it ticked him off and made him fuss). It was so refreshing to see him react negatively to something that most newborns would react negatively too. When we put him back into his crib...he curiously looked around at the hanging jungle mobile above his bed and the stimulation design Nurse Nightingale and taped to the inside of his bed. She said he seems so interested in visual stimulation, she thought she would help promote it with the design she had found.

We talked to our resident doctor today. She gave us some more information...that I actually felt was useful for once. She explained that even though his head has been gradually growing (albeit not at as an alarming of a rate) they like to hold off on the shunt as long as possible because in a child of his size...when they install a shunt...there is a possibility that the dried blood product in the brain could invade and possibly clog the shunt causing complications. I asked if the doctors in general were still expecting the shunt to become a reality and she said yes because of the size of the bleed...but it would be something they would monitor. I asked what happens if it is needed and she said it would most likely involve a few days at the hospital in order to perform the procedure and monitor it afterwards. Doctor Elmo has given us a bit more hope that he will try to avoid the operation if possible. The resident confirmed they do have concern about cerebral palsy and there is a damaged area...but that a child's brain is very remarkable and they really don't plan surgeries or conclude any theories until they are older because it can be amazing what the child and the brain in capable of. We all know Owen is nothing short of spectacular...so we will take that hope and embrace it.

And while I am feeling on the high end of decent (even though I am dying of sleep deprivation)...the icing on the cake was when Yoko (who is not his nurse this evening) just stopped in to say hello and tell us about how incredibly impressed she is with Owen...and just be that fabulous person that is Yoko. She just filled the room with her positivity and wonderfulness. I was devastated to know she would be off the rest of the month...and I have no intention of every getting stuck up here again once we are free...but we can always come back and visit and with wonderful nurses like Yoko, Sheryl, Babbles (she is cooky but good) & Nurse Nightingale we really would need to stop back and show off our little piece of happiness anyway wouldn't we. So let's end this on this up note and you will hear more from us soon.

Be sure to check back later tonight for new pictures and a video.

Here is the "oh so shocked" face...