Calling all angels

Because my mind is absolute mush right now, I asked Jeremy to help me with this post. He has an amazing talent for retaining and comprehending things under stress while I tend to be processing things much slower. This may have quickly just become a joint blog. We will try to update you with things as often as we can. Hopefully, I will be discharged on Monday and we can get into some sort of routine. Right now things are a crazy mess.

We do have some pictures to post, but I seem to have lost my camera. I'm thinking that I may have left it in the car when I did NOT escape from the hospital yesterday. So, as soon as we find it I will post those.

Here is what has been happening.

As many of you are well aware...April and I have been subjected to some unexpected and extreme circumstances since the delivery of our son Owen a couple of days ago. Things have been such a roller coaster ride that although we have tried to let everyone know what's going on and how things are progressing....it has been virtually impossible to do so because everything goes minute by minute. So here is the story of our little Owen..............

April's water broke unexpectedly on Wed night/Thurs Morning around 1am. Outside of the water breaking...April really wasn't having any symptoms of going into labor. She called the hospital and they were not overly concerned that her water had broken and told her to come in the morning. So we casually packed up our car the next morning and dropped Brendan off at his Grandma Ahlers and headed off to the hospital. Once we arrived at the hospital they sent us off to our room and did an initial exam on April. She was not dilated very far (only about 1 to 2 cm). The doctor has told us a couple of weeks ago that anytime April went into labor...the baby was ready to go. We told this to the nurse as she was examining April and she was surprised since the baby felt so little. This was strange to us because the doctor had always said he was good sized. None the less, it didn't matter because we were excited to meet him. The nurse started April on some pitocin to get contractions going. And that is where we were most of the afternoon....dealing with a few minor contractions and really no progress. During one contraction Owen's heart rate dropped significantly and they moved April to a different position and the rate increased. The nurse just figured it was a case of bad positioning and the baby just reacted to it negatively.

As the evening progressed, the pitocin was increased but the contractions were still inconsistent and there was no more dilation. The contractions did become more intense and April eventually opted for an epidural. They got everything in place and laid her on her back while the medication kicked in. During that time she had a few contractions all of which caused Owen's heart rate to lower. They figured it was because she was on her back and repositioning would remedy the issue. It was soon clear that this was not the case as his heart rate dropped significantly during each contraction regardless of what position April was in. The nurses were concerned and called the doctor in from home to examine April and determine the best way to deliver Owen safely. Upon examination, the doctor decided April was nowhere near ready to deliver the baby naturally and with the stress the baby was experiencing a c-section would need to be performed immediately. From my perspective, I was actually relieved they were intending to do the c-section because the dropping heart rate was really worrying me. The doctor called in the surgeon and everyone necessary to get the procedure underway. Before we knew it, April had been whisked into the operating room and prepped for surgery. I was lead down to be with her in a fancy set of scrubs and face mask. In a matter of minutes I was told I could stand up and view over the curtain as Owen joined us for the first time outside of the womb.

There he was, 10 fingers, 10 toes and completely perfect. They whisked him off to the examination table to check his airways and that first real beller of our newborn son rang through the room. It was a relief to hear that wonderful sound. They brought him over to us and he was every bit as wonderful as I thought he would be. Big wide eyes...little fingers gripped in a fist. Perfect. After letting us see him for a moment...they took him over to the table to examine and weigh him. His APGAR score was an 8 when he was first delivered and when they checked him after they showed him to us...they gave him a 10. Excellent. He weight was 5 lbs. 10 oz. which was much smaller than we had anticipated, but no one seemed concerned so neither did we. I did hear them make the comment that they should send in the placenta for testing because his umbilical cord was quite narrow and the placenta was small. But again, it seemed like no cause for alarm. The atmosphere in the delivery room was actually quite festive as they cleaned up Owen and stitched up April. The doctors joked and told stories...we got to hold Owen some more. Everything had gone off without a hitch and our baby boy was here.

Once April was stitched and stabilized, they wheeled her back to our room. For the next hour they checked her to make sure she was coming out of the anesthesia well. We did not see a whole lot Owen during that period of time that they were stabilizing April. As soon as they had her settled, they brought Owen in to try feeding and he immediately knew what to do. April was still pretty groggy and immobile, so she was not able to get a real good look at her new son...but all was well and that was what mattered. The staff continued to go in and out of the room for the next couple of hours. The nurses felt Owen's temperature was a bit lower than what it should be so they were going to put him in an incubator for a while to bring his temperature up. By 6 or so in the morning, we asked if we could bring him in for a feeding and the nurse explained they were still trying to stabilize his temperature and they could not bring him in at the moment. They were also giving him an IV to raise his glucose level. But they assured us things were going well and in many newborns these were things that happened.

As the morning progressed the nurse finally brought Owen into our room swaddled tightly in blankets. He needed to be wrapped securely as they could not put a shirt on him because of the IV they had inserted into his arm. April finally got to see our son face on and interact with him. His eyes were wide with curiosity and he was extremely active. The nurses came in every half an hour to check his glucose and temperature and that pissed him off. He cried a very healthy infant cry and I remember even commenting on the fact that there were no problems with that little ones lungs. After a bit, the nurse took April into the bathroom to freshen up and I was able to spend a little one on one time with Owen. Perfect. Every time I looked at his little face and those wide eyes I felt so thrilled to finally have him here. I marveled at his tiny little size but he was very active and alert. After April came out of the bathroom, I handed Owen back over to her and she sat in the rocking chair. General conversation ensued. We asked lots of questions about the testing that they had done initially with Owen and whether any of the numbers with his glucose or temperature were cause for concern. The nurse said everything seemed positive. She explained that a couple numbers were lower than what they had liked, but this was commonplace with newborns, especially with smaller newborns. She said Owen was actually a weight that would be considered a preemie weight even though he was full term. She explained another battery of tests would be run at noon and more information would be known then...but all was well. As we were talking we noticed Owen doing a very slow "yes" motion with his head. He would slowly lift his chin up and then back down. At first we thought he might just be adjusting but then it was repetitive. We asked the nurse about it and she said she had never seen anything like that before. She laid him in his crib and he made a similar motion. She flipped him on his stomach and again he made repetitive movements. The nurse took his temperature and said it was a bit lower than she was comfortable with and she would take Owen with her and incubate him while they waited for the tests to be run. She said she would ask the doctor about the motions and send him to our room in a while with the results. We were exhausted as we both had not slept in well over a day. We were expecting company to start coming around noon as we had gotten word out that our little treasure was here...so we decided to take Owen's brief absence as an opportunity to get some rest. We were really excited to share our newest son with all of our friends and loved ones. This was around 10:30 a.m. I dozed off on the terribly uncomfortable pull out bed and had just started to slide a little deeper into rest when I was jolted awake by the hospital intercom. CODE BLUE IN THE BIRTHING CENTER. Immediately alarmed but in denial, I shot out of bed and started slipping on my shoes. April woke instantly but because of all of the IV's she was hooked to and her recent surgery, there was no way she could take off in a dead run. She did, however, expect me to. She glanced down at me frantically putting on my shoes and said "Don't worry about the shoes just go." I looked at her and continued to finish sliding on my shoes, through on my hat and headed down the hall. In retrospect I realize that while that was completely stupid, the reason I did it was because subconsciously I was in denial that it could have possibly been our child that was in danger and rushing would have validated that I thought it was him.

As I made my way down the hall doctors and nurses were coming from everywhere rushing to the nursery behind the front desk. I was extremely alarmed but proceeded down the hall in a daze. By the time I got to the desk I just stood there and watched and people continued to file into the nursery from everywhere. The lead nurse said we got him, don't worry to the others around her. I saw someone look up and approach me as I glanced into the room and saw them backing away from Owen's crib. I asked what happened and they said he had stopped breathing completely and had started turning blue and they needed to pump him to get his breathing going again, but he was okay. They were going to call Madison to see what they would recommend as preventative measures in case he had anymore issues but all was okay. They were just happy that had him down there to monitor him so they were able to catch him and remedy the issue before it could have caused an irreversible damage. I went in and looked at Owen to see him stable and hooked up to a couple of monitors. Once I was confident it was alright, I headed back down to our room to explain to April what happened. She had already gotten out of bed and was heading towards me.

What came next is sort of a blur as the stress of it all caused me to sort of lose track of time. Owen's breathing stopped and he needed to be resuscitated more times. They had called Meriter hospital and ordered a transport to take him from Reedsburg to Madison. The last time he stopped breathing, they had quite a bit of difficulty getting him to start again, so they chose to put a tube down his throat and breathe for him. They sedated him so that he did not move and taped his eyes shut so there was no chance of injuring his eyes and we waited. My mom and April's mom and sister showed up at the hospital. My cousin Traci came up from the cardiac unit for support and we waited. There was Owen, hours old, laying under this lamp with tubes down his throat and tape over his eyes clinging on to life. Multiple health workers poked and prodded him for tests. It was impossibly hard to watch and the worry we felt was indescribable.

It seemed like forever, but the doctors from Meriter finally arrived to transport Owen to Madison. They put him on a breathing machine and secured him into an incubator and wheeled him down to our room for us to say our "good lucks". They explained all of the things that could be causing the issues, but generally the tone was pretty optimistic. He could have a rough road ahead, but ultimately things could be just fine. Why then were the nurses wanting to take photographs with us touching him and saying goodbye?

As soon as they wheeled him out of the hospital, I packed my things and headed for home to get Brendan, some toiletries and head off to Madison. April was transported separately by ambulance to Meriter so she could be admitted and proceed up to the NICU unit to see Owen. We were told they would be doing a brain scan, a spinal tap and a couple of other procedures to diagnose his condition and hopefully some answers would be presented later in the evening.

The trip to Madison is a blur. I was extremely tired and completely out of my mind with worry. Every awful "what if?" pounded through my mind. Brendan was in the back seat and I was thrilled to see him so I tried to focus on him and not the journey ahead. We got to Madison without incident and met April and headed of to the Intensive care unit.

The doctors met us when we arrived and Owen had been hooked up to even more machines including a breathing machine and laid still inside the incubator. What transpired next were conversations with multiple -ologists. I don't know the names of all of them so I will just tell you what they specialize in. We met the nurse "Yoko Ono" first who explained Owen was resting comfortably and gave us a quick run down of what he was hooked up to and why. The lead doctor of the intensive care unit and the brain doctor showed up next. They explained that the brain scan indicated that Owen had had an intraventricular hemorrhage (bleeding of the brain). They said it was one of the most extreme cases they had ever seen and extremely problematic. We were informed his mortality was absolutely in question and his quality of life should he survive extremely questionable. Because of the amount of blood....should he survive....the chances of a completely average lifestyle was an impossibility. There would most definitely be some form of motor skill issues and possibly communicational/ learning difficulties. They showed us the scan and pointed out that the blood was in the center of the brain and the tissue around it was different than what they wanted to see and he was in grave danger. This was not a good situation and the best case scenario was not going to be a good one. They did not know why this happened and more tests would be needed to course a plan of action. All they could tell us was it was dire and they were working on all of the angles.

When the doctors walked out of the room April and I were both sitting silent and breathless as if we had been punched in the stomach. The nurse (Yoko Ono) was still working around Owen's incubator and when the doctors were out of earshot quietly said to us..."You know...what they just told you is not something I think you should take at face value. They gave you the absolute worse case scenario and that may not be the way it is. Babies brains are resilient and he could very well recover from this with little or no after effects. Don't walk away from this with that dread." This relieved a bit of the devastation from our minds but we were still completely distraught.

A short time later the nerve doctor came in. He again reiterated that bleeding of the brain in infants is fairly common in preemies but very uncommon in full term infants. He went on to say that the amount of blood in Owen's brain was the most extreme case he had never seen. He told us that there was a possibility the blood was absorb back in the system but that the brain would be affected by it. What he did not know was how much. He explained the bleeding could cause his head to swell and they may need to tap his skull to relieve the pressure. The doctor said that death was certainly a major concern and getting through the next 72 hours would be essential before we could really feel even a bit comfortable that he would live. After that, everything would be a waiting game as to whether he would react and act like a normal infant. Because this was such a horrible bleeding, he really could not give us any statistics. Once again, when he left the room, Yoko Ono tried to sooth us with the let's just wait and see approach. She pushed on the top of his head and said it was more firm as a result of the blood, but lets see how the next few hours go.

An MRI and EEG were ordered for Saturday morning and we just hoped all night long for the best. We visited with Owen and sat helplessly after vile after vile of blood was taken from his tiny, frail little frame. He was not alert and an occasional squeeze of the finger or wrinkle of the nose meant the world to us. Yoko Ono said he was still heavily sedated and was also being given antibiotics for possible infection so it was not abnormal for him to be so still. He needed the ventilator but his other vitals were good and they were just going to monitor him constantly. Unnerved but exhausted we went to bed.

The next morning we headed up to the NICU to check on Brendan and shortly after we got into his room, they told us he had been prepped and was being shipped to his MRI momentarily. We showed Brendan his little brother in the incubator and when we asked who that was he instantly answered as clear as day OWEN. He was extremely interested in seeing him and would open the doors on the side of his incubator and peek at him. It was exciting and heart breaking to see such a positive reaction to Brendan and his role as big brother. Moments later we left so they could perform his tests.

A couple of hours later we returned. We met with the blood doctors who said Owen's platelet count was low...and that they would be testing his blood for a series of clotting disorders and other possible causes for the bleeding. They did point out that bleeding could sometimes be treated and the child could live an absolutely normal existence (something a little brighter than we had heard before at least from a doctor). We were allowed to visit with Owen for a short period of time before we were booted for a "few minutes" while the nurses drew blood work.

We checked back multiple times to see if we could see Owen and were told he was "almost ready"...."just a few more minutes" Over two hours later I decided to go get something to drink and as I was getting on the elevator heard the front desk nurse calling to see if there was a Chaplain on site. My heart sunk and I sent April a message to have her ask why we could not get in while I made my way to my car. Thankfully we never found out why they needed a Chaplain, but Owen had actually been taken in for an EEG and would be available "soon."

A while later we were able to see Owen and the nerve doctor. When we arrived in his room he had multiple colored cords protruding from his tiny little head. Each electrode glued securely to his head. Once again, he was very still. The nerve doctor arrived and said the MRI had proved inconclusive for a cause for the bleed. They did not see any definitive source for the problem. His EEG results reflected that he did have alot of electrical activity in his brain (which is good). They did see some seizure activity, but it was mild, electrical but not clinical (clinical means very severe and damaging). We asked why he was so still and he explained he is in very grave condition and fighting for his life. He pointed out again that the bleeding was devastating and all they could do would be to attempt to treat the issue with any means possible. The goal at the moment was to keep him stable and alive.

After he left, we were told Owen was siffering from jaundice as a result of the bleeding and would need to be put on a light machine in addition to all of the other things he was hooked up to. They would put a shield over his eyes and the light would be kept on. This only added to the severity of the situation as you look at all of the different things he is hooked up to.

Owen held strong all evening long and shortly before I started this blog I went up to check on him. A doctor met me and asked me to sign an authorization to administer plasma and one other type of transfusion to Owen because he is lacking a particular protein that is a clotting agent. Without this, he could possibly continue to bleed compounding his issue. More tests are being run overnight. Some results will be available tomorrow, some not for days. Nothing can be done...but wait and hope. He is soiling diapers, he does grab your finger when you touch him and sometimes he opens his eyes and looks at you. He cannot cry because of the tubes down his throat. We also cannot feed him ourselves for the same reason. His color is good and his vitals other than the main issue are decent. But everything is about the timing and the effect. The next 48 hours will ultimately determine if he are able to proceed to the next level of hope and our first level of comfort.

April and I both just want him in our lives. What comes next is simply inconsequential. We can face the challenges as they present themselves....but we just want the opportunity to get to know our son. We hope for the simple things such as being given the opportunity to hold him (as he cannot be removed from the incubator because of all of the devices that monitor and protect him), change his diaper and feed him. It's amazing how important these simple tasks are missed when you are not given the opportunity to perform him.

We really don't know what to expect, so we will attempt to keep this blog updated so we can keep you in the know as things go on. His care is so time consuming that we figured this would be an easier way of updating everyone in a timely fashion. We appreciate your continued prayers and well wishes as Owen needs every ounce of hope and faith he can get to conquer these challenges. Considering how much has occured in such a short amount of time...the road ahead will be a long one.