I am a warrior

Considering how horrendous the last couple of days have been....the powers that be decided to give us a little holiday in paradise today. We headed up to the NICU this morning to find out how Owen was doing. He was still about the same...not worse and I guess that was all that mattered. They had run some blood work on him the previous evening and found that he was lacking a certain clotting agent in his blood called Factor 13. Apparently there are numerous proteins in the blood that assist in clotting and this Factor 13 is one of them. It is very rare to be missing this protein and the only reason they even checked for it was because most of the other labs they were running were inconclusive for major problems so they kept delving deeper. The fact that this clotting agent is missing from his blood is good because it is something they can substitute into his bloodstream whenever he should need it and the problem was not an aneurysm or malformation of the ventricles in his brain. His platelet count was also a little lower than it needed to be and they assume it is because he is still fighting the blood to disintegrate the blood in his brain. They also believe that he has no active bleeding in his brain which means the blood that is there has caused the damage it has...but they do not think there is any further blood flowing into that area. They gave him a transfusion of plasma and crypto something or another to boost his levels...and we will no tomorrow morning what effects this has had on his condition. He has also been placed under bilirubin light for jaundice which was caused (most likely as a result of the blood on the brain). While they were treating all of his issues, the poor thing was more and more "hooked up". The respirator taped to his face took up his whole mouth and cheek area. The goggles over his eyes to prevent damage from the lights took up his whole upper head...and the IV's and monitors hanging from his limbs covered most of the fleshy area there. Add to that a little heat rash and he was one worrisome little man. But he was here...so we were happy.

Then the day took a turn for....wait for it....the BETTER when we were told that he was breathing over his respirator a majority of the time and he would most likely have his air tubes removed from his mouth so he could breathe on his own! I was a bit skeptical that this would work, but excited at the same time. As our company arrived and visited throughout the early part of the day...you could see Owen moving his mouth below the respirator and his limbs were reaching and grabbing...his stomach lifting and dropping as he breathed. It was the most action we have seen from him since the incident on Friday.

In the late afternoon, they removed the respirator. And our little man has been breathing on his own ever since!! So far his readings have been very good. We were both worried that he might stop breathing again, but have been told they are monitoring him closely. His little mouth is visible again.

We were just starting to feel a little more confident when one of the student doctors came in to explain what Factor 13 was and what it meant for Owen. I will refer to this doctor as Bitch Face because she made me start to worry again and I wanted to strangle her. Bitch Face explained Factor 13 and that it was an agent that could be replaced and was not life threatening. That was great...but then I mentioned that I thought he was doing better today because he was so active and that he was off the respirator. She replied that meant nothing. Most of the motions he made was reflexive and not as a response of outside stimulation. It was all reflexes and there was really no evidence to prove otherwise. My response to this was a shrewdly delivered inquiry as to whether she was a real doctor to which she informed me she was doing her internship here. So I choose to ignore her. I needed to point this out because it was upsetting.

Leave it to Yoko Ono to save the day. An alarm had gone off on one of Owen's monitors of his vitals. She soothingly explained it was not a big deal he had most likely moved his foot wrong and it set something off and then proceeded to explain everything on the screen. I love Yoko. Anyway, she went on to look over Owen and say how thrilled she was to see his progress. She said the scan she had seen with the blood was very grim but her gut says things will be okay. Yoko said she always goes with her gut and if her gut said otherwise she would tell us...but right now her gut says things will be okay. Thank you Yoko for the sensitivity and the hope.

In the early evening, all our visitors headed home for the day and begrudgingly, April and I decided to send Brendan home for the evening with April's parents. Let me just say that Brendan had been INCREDIBLE through all of this. He has given the perfect amount of hugs and comic relief to make any situation tolerable. He loves his little brother and often walks down the hallway saying "Owen! Where are you Owen? Come here!" He lights up every time he see Owen in his incubator....and I am very fortunate to have two incredible kids like Owen and Brendan. I had come down to April's hospital room after Dr. Bitch Face made me worry and Brendan and I were laying on the bed watching TV and he took a swig of my pop and said "Delicious!" I have never taught him that word...but he never fails to entertain.

Anyway, back to our story. April and I were both sad to see Brendan go and headed back up to the NICU with heavy hearts to go and see Owen. When we got there, the head nurse said Owen's breathing was still doing very well and she felt that now that he was no longer on the respirator, we could hold him for a little while. Not long because he needed the lights and heat...but just for a short period of time. What ensued was sheer bliss. The nurse turned off his light and took the mask off of his eyes. And there he was....our perfect little son. His adorable little face with features similar to his big brother Brendan's (minus the big cheeks). As she was removing him from the incubator Owen opened his eyes and looked around. Seeing him open his eyes and wiggle around gave us both such an intense feeling of joy you could just feel the entire room light up. I was fortunate enough to get to hold him first and the nurse set him in my arms. April talked to him and he opened his eyes again to look at her and followed her with his eyes when she moved. Seems minor but to us it was major. They gave us an ugly little purple hat to keep his head warm and he dozed back to sleep. He was much weaker then Brendan was at that age....but he was still perfect. You could see some yellow from the effects of the jaundice...but still it was wondrous. Every little expression he made was imprinted into my memory. Seeing his whole little face without all of the wires and tape was nothing short of incredible. April and I both got to kiss him and hold him and it was exactly what we needed after everything that has occurred. After 15 minutes...we switched spots and April held Owen. He knew he was with his Mom and I swear I saw a little smile (no it was not gas). We were only able to have him out 30 minutes...but those 30 minutes were some of the greatest minutes of my life. It only made me love him more.

Eventually we needed to return him to the incubator and his face mask. April was playing with him through the access holes and ticked him off to the point where he started to cry. It was not as forceful of a cry as he had when he was first born but it was one of the most beautiful sounds I have ever heard. She calmed him right away but he continued to make facial expressions and kick his feet. It was incredible and we are going to go to bed tonight hopeful....regardless of what the doctors say.

Tomorrow Owen will be having an ultrasound to see how much blood is in his brain and what problems it may be causing. He will also have more blood tests to check his levels and see how the treatments are working for him. He is far from being "out of the woods" but right now...we are okay. We had a really nice day with both of our sons...as well as our family and friends...and that has allowed us to produce enough hope and positive energy to trudge through another day.

Thanks again for all of the prayers and well wishes and please continue to do so....it really is helping. Our little Owen is a warrior and the encouragement can do wonders.