The Pendulum Swings Both Ways

It is still early in the day, so a great deal more can come to pass over the course of the next few hours (as it so typically has these past few days), but so far it has been a good day with a few minor setbacks.

When the doctors came in this morning, we found out that Owen had gained 3 oz. That does not sound like much in the grander scheme of things but in his specific case, it is fantastic. The weight gain can be specifically attributed to the fact that he had the PICC IV put in yesterday, but hey, if it is giving him the nutrients he needs, we'll take it, He has only been given 15 cc's of breast milk every 3 hours. But once again, a little good news....while the amount is small, he has not spit up and will now be increased to 20 cc's during his next feeding. The upper GI results have come back as....wait for it....inconclusive for any abnormalities of issues with his digestive tract. So can you believe that again we have no explanation why he is spitting up? Yes I believe it too. They also did not find any evidence of a reflux disorder. They are going to just continue increasing the amount of his feeding a little at a time as long as he manages to keep it down. This gradual increase will insure that we are here many more days to come. His heart rate went a little strange last night briefly and went down to 60...they woke him up a little and it rose right back up again. Apparently this happens frequently in babies and they are not concerned about it? I suppose the average baby does not have a monitor on their heart 24 hours a day...so I will take that situation with a grain of salt. Some other level was mildly elevated...but they were speak the foreign doctor language and I had no idea what they were talking about. By the time they asked for questions...my mind had moved on. More tests are on the way with a blood test to check for a couple disorders that were rare and I have never heard of. Possibly an ecocardiogram because they are suspicious they may have heard a murmur of his heart. I had a heart murmur when I was young and grew out it...so I choose not to flip on account of that scenario either. His temp has been good...so that is a plus. So he has been a little down, but far from defeated.

On a happy note, he was VERY wide awake when he was up this past time. Probably more wide awake and alert than he has ever been and leaps and bounds better than he has been these past couple of days. His eyes were bright and focused. His hands were busy playing with his pacifier and eachother. When we set him in his seat, he was bored and moving around his hands and watching them as he did so. He reacted every time Brendan banged something around (which was often) and would follow the noise. His body had much more tone to it than I had seen in the last few days. He had been feeling very limp. He was awake for well over an hours and ate and kept down the food he was given. It was pretty refreshing to see him so on the ball. You have to take the little bright spots as they present themselves you know.

Brendan has embarked on yet another consecutive, full hospital day. He has had a few less than stellar moments...but he is also taking this opportunity to turn on the charm with the nurses. He has been saying Babette all day (even though she is not here and his parents are not a fan of the Babbles). He flirts big time with the nurse on duty today...her name is Julie. He runs around the room saying oh Julie! Where are you? He even showed her his tool box which he is not a big sharer so that is huge. He has been much more interested in and patient with Owen so far. He likes to sit in a spinning chair and observe Owen in his bed. He is also curious and observant about the diaper changes and feedings. I am extremely impatient today...but Brendan is actually being decent. Except of course for when we tried to eat lunch and he would run out of the cafeteria (where we could still see him). The people wandering by would look at him with this alarm as if he was not being watched. Then he would proceed to stick his face up to the windows of one of the doors and make faces at people. His BOOBS 2009 tour has continued too as he proudly says boobs prominently and repeatedly when the doctors are in the rooms explaining things. A little charmer that one is.

So, the day continues more in the right direction than in the wrong...but of course we have gotten a little of both. They are doing the ultrasound on Owen's chest as we speak to check for the murmur.... Hopefully we can top the day off on a little bit of a high note. We will see. There are more doctors planning to poke their heads into the room throughout the day.

Announcing...

This is a little late, but that's ok. When my friend, Julie, came to see Owen last week she took one quick shot of Owen. Considering how yellow he was at the time this turned out great. She and her minions are miracle workers. Thank you, Julie, Sandra, and anyone else who helped with this.

As soon as we break from this place we will have a full on photoshoot.


The morning after Owen was born, before we realized there was any problem, I looked up his name and learned one of the meanings of it is "warrior". Who knew he'd live up to that name. We've been asked where we came up with Patrick. We were married on St. Patrick's Day

I thought we needede a lighter post for the day. You're welcome.

It Never Ends

Today has turned about to be a significant setback in the quest to get Owen out of the hospital and home where he belongs. He has lost 40 grams since yesterday. This is not a good thing since he managed to lose double the weight he had gained the day before and the doctors were not event content with the gain when it did happen.

What does this mean? Well, at least one more week in the NICU while they run a series of studies on his digestive system and major organs to see if they can find any cause for the mass quantity of spit up that seems to occur during every feeding. They will be reattaching him to an IV to feed him. He will continue to bottle feed but only a very small amount (15 cc's) and the remainder of the nourishment will come from the IV. They ran an ultrasound of his stomach yesterday and the tentative results found nothing conclusive as to why he is getting ill. They also did another head ultrasound and did not find any major changes in the brain that they feel would be contributing to the problem. The UW radiologists have not read the scans yet so nothing definitive has been said. I am a little concerned why they have not seen a reduction in the amount of blood in his brain. They had estimated that it would take about a month for the blood to dissipate and then they would be screening him for hydrocephalus. Tomorrow will be the 2 week mark (oh my, we have been in this darn hospital for 2 weeks!) shouldn't a large amount of blood be gone by now? They are also planning an upper GI to check for digestive issues. They said it will not be fun for him, but at least it is not invasive (yet). We will have a whole new series of specialists getting involved with Owen's case and that will mean even more opinions and greater confusion.

Owen has continued to be much less fiesty than usual. When he is awake, he is wide awake and follows you with his eyes and does the things babies do. The difference is that he does not cry a great deal or even seem to mind the constant poking and prodding (they drew blood yesterday and he did not care). Of course, as many times as he has been poked in prodded in his first few days of life...he probably is used to it. We are hoping once he gets a little bit more nutrition in his system, it will rile him up a bit and give him back some oomph.

Brendan has all of his feist, Owen's feist and then some. He has been a beastly little fire cracker. He has been attempting his version of behaving under stress....which yields interesting (and sometimes publicly embarrassing results). We just take into effect that his whole lifestyle has been altered also and he needs to cope. Unfortunately, with the decline in Owen's progress the last few days....the hospital has to now become part of our lifestyle since it will not be going away any time soon...mwah, mwah, mwah.

There are a number of results that need to come in before we came make a definitive game plan as to how we are going to handle all of this. Obviously we will be spending a majority of our time in Madison and will probably having to stay overnight also since it is not very cost effective or logical to commute constantly. I will have to incorporate my job into this hot mess somewhere also. I am going to ponder that for a day or so. I will start browsing for a good muzzle and leash for Brendan...the adventure will continues and as always, we will keep you posted.

The Trials and Tribulations of Owen: Book 2

It seems as if we are moving on to a whole new set of adventures in the life of Owen. Where we had once believed that we were bringing the little guy home soon and proceeding to a life of a little more simplicity...we have since found that we are instead embarking on a whole new set of wonders and tests. I can't say I am tremendously thrilled at the prospect of many more days at the hospital...but you know how it goes.

As you all know...Owen's stay in the NICU was extended a result of a mild fever. This issue has since resolved itself but morphed into another concern...weight gain. Owen has not gained a whole lot of weight and unfortunately, his weight loss has exceeded his weight gain. To compound the situation, he has been spitting up regularly and spitting up rather large amounts. There is a pattern to the spit up. When he wakes, he typically eats a portion of his bottle, burps and then consumes the remainder. The spit up usually takes place during the first and second part of his feeding. We have tried to resolve the issue by sitting him up, feeding him a smaller beginning amount, burping him for a longer period of time, trying to make sure he is more awake before beginning to feed him...nothing has done the trick. It has been a very rare event that he spits up after the second part of his feeding...but it has been consistent enough that the doctors are concerned. So now we will begin a string of blood tests to see where his levels are (again) and a series of gastrointestinal studies to rule out any possible problems there. The result will be many more days back and forth to Madison and caring for Owen in a hospital setting. UGH!

The doctors also discussed another head ultrasound soon to see what is going on with the blood in Owen's head. They feel his vitals are all relatively stable and they have not been concerned about his color. When it comes to his tone, they feel he is pretty much in line with the average 2 week old infant, but they are also monitoring that closely. Today I have been concerned about how awake he is when he is awake. He does not seem quite as peppy as he did yesterday...but that could be as a result of a number of things. Overall the consensus amongst the doctors as to what comes next or what to expect is they don't know. We hear I don't know many times every day when we ask how long it will take the blood to absorb, or if we should be concerned about his mobility, or how long they think it will be before he gets to go home. Sometimes those three words, I don't know are extremely defeating and we are left simply trying to hold our heads up high in lieu of beating them against the wall in utter frustration.

Brendan continues to be a little less than cooperative and angry at the whole situation. While April and I are learning better coping techniques to contend with his less than savory mood...he is still excessively needy. When he needs attention, mom AND dad need to be involved. When we go somewhere, we both need to go. He does not want to leave a room unless we are both following. I think he is afraid that we are going to disappear for hours at a time like we have been and he is trying to prevent that. As parents, we are left with the dilemma of which is worse...letting him sit with Grandma so we can concentrate on Owen's needs and minimize the amount of time he has to stay at the hospital, or taking him with us so he can spend time with us but confining him to the hospital for days at a time. It is very much a Catch 22 and one scenario does not seem to work out better than the other.

Reality has also been biting at my heels as my place of employment pursues me to try to resume business as usual. While I certainly value having a job...and don't want to jeopardize my employment...I am also not fully capable of moving full steam ahead with the hotel business. Especially when my younger son's health is in question and my older son is not coping extremely well. Add to this the fact that April is still not able to drive and lift Brendan...a whole new set of obstacles present themselves. But, I am trying. I use my little moments of clarity to address the largest issues at hand and then focus back on my family. I also feel that I am technically using my 2 weeks of vacation right now and I am within that time frame right at the moment, so I should be able to give the greatest amount of concentration to my family. The bills need to be paid and the money is going faster than it is coming...so I will have no option other than to step up to the plate in good time.

As we speak, Owen is having his blood drawn and Brendan is running at the breast pump shouting BOOBS! BOOBS! in front of the nurse. Never a boring moment I guess. I suppose we can find the humor where it is available (thank GOD for Brendan) and count are blessings that Owen is here...even if he is hanging out at the hospital for an extended period of time. And finally, just proceed one day at a time doing the best we can. Nothing else can really be expected right now.

Sleep tight

As you can see, Owen is completely unphased that we are still at the hospital. He is currently sound asleep....with open eyes as usual.

His fever seems to be gone. His temp still goes up and down but has been pretty stable today. They are pleased with that.

Their current concern, as I said earlier, is his lack of weight gain. He lost 6 grams overnight. Yesterday he didn't have much interest in eating. Today he seems to be much more eager to eat even if he continues to spit up. That does not seem to concern anyone. They said as long as he gains weight, the spit up is not a problem. Late this afternoon will mark 24 hrs since he's been getting the extra calories. So, hopefully they see an improvement by tomorrow. What is not clear is that if he gains weight overnight if he gets to go home tomorrow or if they watch him for a couple days. Either way, we are keeping our fingers crossed that this does the trick.

One step forward, two steps back

I just wanted to post quickly and let everyone know that Owen is still at Meriter. On Monday his regular doctor was back, thankfully. She is not overly concerned about his slight fever. She said it very well could just be the blood causing issues. Or it could be a viral infection. Either way, it's fairly normal. They did one final round of antibiotics on him yesterday morning. The IV has been removed again. Hopefully that is the last of them.

Right now her concern is the fact that he isn't back up to his birth weight. She said it isn't a huge concern and he isn't down drastically but she'd like to seem him gain. He seems to lose and gain, lose and gain. Since Sunday night, he has taken to spitting up when he eats. Sometimes it is just a small amount, sometimes he's borderline projectile. Again, she's isn't too concerned about that as long as he continues to gain. Yesterday we were testing different ways of feeding to see if that stops the spitting. If he is practically sitting up when he eats, when he is burped, and for a short time aftewards he does better. His overall consumption seems to be down though. Yesterday, they started to add calories to his breast milk. Basically, they are adding a teaspoon of formula in hopes that the extra calories stick to his bones. Those chicken legs need it.

The doctor just want to keep an eye on him. She says that she wants to have him in the best possible shape he can be in before she sends him home so we don't have to worry. Like that is going to stop the worrying and obsessiveness? Ha!

We are heading back again for the day shortly. Brendan stayed at Grandma's last night. The poor kid is having a hard time with all this running. He just wants to be home---and who can blame him?

We may attempt to take Brendan back with us tomorrow and venture over to the zoo for something to do. We'll see though.

Boys just wanna have fun

The last few days have been anything but fun. However, the boys continue to amuse us. Here are some pictures from over the course of the last few days. I will have Jeremy blog about what is actually going on later tonight. In the meantime, enjoy....

Who the heck is that?!?



I have to get a closer look.



Owen at his last feeding today. I believe he is plotting something evil.





Brendan yesterday. This was about the only glimmer of a good boy we saw all day. He was pure evil, but who can blame him being trapped in a hospital for days on end.



Trying to escape on the car ride home???

To say that the last couple days have been frustrating and long would be an understatement. While April and I are both anticipating Owen's discharge from the hospital....we are both getting increasingly frustrated with the day after day setbacks that seem to make this hope more and more of an impossibility. Perhaps we became over confident when Owen was able to cover such a large amount of ground against staggering odds. When Dr. Elmo said he would be coming home soon, we planned on it. Now that there seems to be delay after delay...it is beating us down a bit.

Saturday did not consist of much. April, Brendan and I all went to the hospital and spent the day with Owen. The initial blood cultures were all negative after 24 hours for any form of infection. The nurse said they would wait until Sunday to check again and if there was not any infection, they would most likely be sending him home. Throughout Saturday he was a bit whiny again while he napped, but nothing extremely noticeable. Brendan was not thrilled to be at the hospital, but he was tolerable and easily distracted when he started to get irritable. We left that day hopeful that Sunday would finally be the day.

When Sunday finally came around, we loaded back up in the car again and headed back down to Madison. We chose not to call and tell them we were on our way because we did not want them to slip in the fact they were going to keep him longer like they did when we called on Friday. We just wanted to remain optimistic. Brendan was not loving the car ride and consistently saying
"all done" as we made our way to Meriter. When we got to the hospital, we grabbed Brendan's toys and things to keep him busy and headed up to Owen's room. As soon as we got to the North Tower elevators (the ones that take you to the NICU) Brendan instantly began to lose it. He screamed up the elevator...fussed all the way down to Owen's room...and into his room. We tried to shut the sliding door to Owen's room so that he did not wake everyone in the entire unit....but he persisted. April tried to push him quickly back out into the lobby in his stroller...and since he was not buckled in...he leaped out of his stroller and hollered in the hallway of the NICU. This was the way that the entire afternoon went with Brendan. He is sick of hospitals and he took every horrifying opportunity after another to make that clear. If he did allow us to attempt to pacify him, he wanted it to be a collaborative effort between April and myself. So if one of us did not go with him...a very loud, public scene ensued.

Outside of Brendan's theatrics...the news with Owen was not much better. Babbles let us know shortly after we arrived that Owen's temp had risen to 101.4 overnight so whether he could go home or not would be the doctor's decision. They had not rounded yet, so we listened in on their morning discussion on Owen. They were concerned about his rising temp, yet they could not find any infection to cause it. They said it could be as a result of the blood being processed through his system, but it could also be a result of a viral infection that they could not test definitively for, but he may have. Dr. Pillars (the doctor on duty who looks surprisingly like the gym teacher from the Porky's movies) felt Owen's temp was a problem as well as his pasty appearance. She felt babies should look pink and healthy not pasty. Has she looked at April, Brendan or myself? We are all as pale as vampires and have been our entire lives. Maybe, just maybe he looks like the rest of his family?!? The doctor also felt his limbs were cool to the touch and that indicated an underlying issue. She felt that his unhealthy appearance and temperature would mean he would have to stay at least one more night. They would keep him on the antibiotics and see if his temperature leveled out. If it does not level out by tomorrow, they could choose to keep him in the hospital for another full week in order to continue giving him the round of antibiotics.

The day concluded when we decided to leave after Brendan went through yet another round of angry and rowdy. I had fed Owen his bottle and he did not eat as well as I would have liked which left me with yet another factor against his possible discharge on Monday. The nurse on duty did not seem concerned about the quantity he ate...but with that amongst all of the other obstacles the doctors had pointed out throughout the day...I will be much more cautiously optimistic when we head to the hospital on Monday. We'll be doing the doctor thing sans Brendan tomorrow. He needs a break from hospitals and he will have more fun at Grandma's. I'm hoping Owen will behave and jump through all the necessary hoops the staff feels he needs to jump through so he can come home soon. April and I are eager to start to resume some normalcy in our life in the very near future.

Delays

Well today did not go quite as planned. April and I both got a decent nights rest and headed off to Madison this morning. I did not grab the laptop on the way out or any reading materials because I figured the day would be busy with last minute discussions with the doctors about Owen's care and his test results. Little did I know they would have come in handy since we were going to be trapped at the hospital for a few more days.

We did not want to possibly miss out on the doctors talks about Owen and their thoughts on his progress, so I had April call the hospital on our way there to let them know we were in transit. When she called, they transferred her through to Babbles who told her that Owen was running a low grade fever and would not be able to be discharged today. She also said he would need more blood drawn. She said they wanted to check for infection and that he would need to have the IV that he had finally had removed yesterday replaced. What a major setback!

Disappointed yet enthusiastic to see Owen, we made our way up to his room to find that they had his new IV all set up....in his head! He really did not seem to notice or care that he had an IV in his head...but it bothered me. They even had to shave a little piece of his almost non-existent head of hair to be able to stick the IV. They taped the piece of shaved hair to his name card on the bed. He was sleeping when we got there. The doctors had not drawn his blood but there were no results yet. They also wanted to run a spinal tap which scared me because they told me a week ago that doing this could be catastrophic for his health. They assured us that now that he was a week old the procedure was very low risk and was necessary to rule out any infection and so that if there were an issue, it could be treated before it hindered his progress. We did not want to be a part of his discomfort, so we left the room while the procedure was performed.

Besides the fact that Owen had more blood drawn and the spinal tap....he was in a great mood all afternoon. He was extremely alert and playful and followed you with his eyes no matter where you were. He was eating well and resting much more comfortably. He did not have that irritated whine he was making yesterday while he napped. During his down time, April and I watched a video on child CPR and how to help a child if they were choking.

Eventually blood test results started coming back in and they were good. No infections, bad readings or cause for alarm. We did not get the spinal tap results back as of the time we headed home. A physical therapist came in and checked Owen's movements and progress and he has met all of his one week milestones. His tone is right on track for a child of his age. She was very pleased with how alert he was. Owen had an ultrasound this morning and once again they do not suspect any active bleeding. They said his ventricles that are full of blood have swollen...but they anticipated a certain amount of swelling and were not alarmed by anything they had seen. One of his doctors said that unless infection began to show in some of the cultures that needed to sit for 48 hours, they anticipated releasing Owen from the hospital on Sunday. So we are going to remain hopeful. They have been administering antibiotics to him through the IV on his head....but he only needs to be hooked to an actual cord while the medicine goes in (which takes about 30 minutes). Otherwise he is not actually attached to anything.

We also found that once Owen is released from the NICU....we will have quite a few appointments to attend in order to monitor his progress. We will have an appt. with the doctor in Reedsburg the day after he is released and multiple appointments with doctors in Madison to check him and make sure he is well. But it will be worth the trips just to be able to attempt some normalcy outside of a constant medical environment.

Brendan was shocked to see an extra bed set up in our room for Owen. I don't think he quite understands his little brother will be joining us soon outside of the hospital walls. As always, Brendan continues to be a consistent source of stress relief as we now continue the wait for Owen's release. We took his to Olive Garden tonight on the way home from the hospital and we was stalking a little boy for his Handy Manny tool box the child was trying to play with. He was very persistent in trying to get this tool box from the little boy and the kid was trying very hard to out maneuver Brendan's advances. It should not come as a surprise that as soon as we were done eating, I headed over to Target and bought him the tool box he wanted so bad. Sure, we do not have the funds to be wasting....especially right now....but our eldest little man has been such a tremendous individual even through all of this running around, he deserved it. We spent the remainder of the evening loading and unloading the tools from the box. I was also reminded tonight that Brendan and some of April's family had gone out to pizza the other night and he was very offended by the "bugs" that were on his pizza. He would not eat the pieces with the "bugs" on them. Those bugs were olives. He never fails to amuse me.

So tomorrow we will head back off to the hospital with Brendan in tow and hope for the best. If all goes well....we should only need to make the trip back and forth to Madison one more time and Owen will be coming home to join his big brother and their menagerie of pets in his own house. We'll remain optimistic.

Cracks In The Cement

It is hard to believe that it has only been a week since this whole situation with Mr. Owen began. It feels like it has been months. By the time April, Brendan and I headed home last night, you could see the wear and tear on our faces. Each one of us were irritable and moody. We held up so well during the eye of the storm....but as soon as things subsided a little bit (and thank GOD it did)...the stress and angst slapped us all at once.

A decent nights rest unfortunately did not make things all better. Brendan did not want to leave the house. He wanted to stay home with his stuff and just be left alone. April and I did not want to leave Brendan somewhere else (even though he has had superb care in our absence). It was a tense and emotional time dropping Brendan off at his Grandma's because he was unhappy to see us go. Sure, he was probably fine as soon as we walked out the door and has not thought twice about it since we left...but he managed to push all of the guilt buttons before we left. Of course we were excited to go and see Owen, but we also knew that realistically Brendan was not going to cooperate with another day in the hospital and we were not going to be able to contend with his surly mood.

As we drove to Madison, April and I were both feeling a little unnerved. Sure, we had gotten the news that Owen could possibly get to come home soon...but today we were going to have more tests run and did we want to contend with the results, especially if they were not good? I was conflicted because I knew that Owen needed all of the positive energy he could get and two weary parents were not going to deliver the goods.

When we arrived at the hospital, Owen was fidgeting around in his crib. We had a new nurse that LOVED to use air quotations on pretty much everything she said. She has been in charge of "CPR" for many years. Her son was in charge of a "bachelor party". Owen was going to need a series of "blood work" done. Why did any of these items need quotations? I still don't know. Outside of her super annoying air quotations...she was still very nice, so I should not complain. It did still humor me a bit when she would just sneak a one finger quotation here and there just for good measure. She let us know that the doctors had not done their rounds for Owen yet and that they needed to collect a significant amount of blood from Owen to do his blood tests. Owen was resting comfortably in his bed and the thought of having him poked and prodded even more kind of made me feel ill.

The doctors arrived began to discuss Owen's case. His placenta and umbilical cord tests came back and everything was good. They had been running tests to see if there were any infections or abnormalities that could have contributed to his bleed. They did not have any blood results obviously since the blood had not been drawn yet. His tone had improved and his breathing was great. They were impressed with the amount of food he had been ingesting and the number of diapers he had been dirtying. So overall, a decent report.

After the doctors left, April and I headed down to the cafeteria for some lunch. Not that you care...but hospital food is much better than it used to be. We have had to eat there many times over the course of the last few days and the food has been good and cheap! I had chicken Parmesan today and it was delicious. There is so much variety too....okay I am getting side tracked. We got back upstairs and sat in the lobby hoping we would miss out on the blood drawing. By the time we headed back, they were just about to begin the blood draw. When I saw the number of vials of blood they needed to fill....we chose to go and sit in the lobby. I am not scared of blood, but I did not want to hear my little man scream through all of the needles.

Owen was whiny today. We asked the doctor about it and she felt that he was a baby and that babies will do that. I understand that...but our paranoia meter is on overdrive. A while after his blood was drawn we received some results. His platelet count was up! Unfortunately so was his bilirubin score. But they felt jaundice was not a huge concern since his numbers fell in the norm for a 7 day old child. When the doctor examined Owen, she still felt he was looking great and felt he may still be able to go home on Friday. Of course, we are still nervous...but I don't think we will ever feel confident that everything is 100% wonderful, but does any parent? His temperature was very slightly high, but when we unwrapped him from a couple of blankets he was fine. Owen's final IV that was sitting unused was removed from his arm....so he is offically hooked up to absolutely nothing! We can now walk our baby anywhere in his room without any wires.

Dr. Elmo showed up with some of the most encouraging news of the day. He showed all of Owen's scans to a radiologist they have been working with for years and asked him to review Owen's brain scans. He felt that the blood in the brain is primarily swelling and inside the ventricles of the brain and NOT inside the brain matter itself. If this is the case, there could be a significantly reduced chance of ill effects as a result of the blood. He was fairly confident that this would lessen the chance of severe developmental issues. I was so excited I almost did a jig. Owen is perfection no matter what...but I will take any good news as I get. Dr. Elmo went on to say that Owen has really been doing great. It felt good (even though Yoko is still my hero) to hear an actual doctor show some optimism.

Tomorrow they will do a ultrasound on Owen in the morning to check the his brain and the bleed. We will also be meeting with the blood doctor's about their views on Owen's latest string of blood tests. If they like what they see and feel confident...Owen MAY be coming home tomorrow! Owen will need to go back to Madison in a week to see a neurosurgeon. He will need to revisit Dr.Elmo in a month. We will have a back up plan to have all updates sent to Owen's regular doctor in Reedsburg, so if we have any panic attacks about anything, we can take him to Reedsburg for an exam. If he does get to go home....April and I will probably be hovering over his crib obsessively every second of the day in constant worry....but he is a little trooper and he will probably just look up at us as he typically does, do a little huff and go back to sleep. If you've ever seen Terms of Endearment, imagine us taking turns climbing in his crib to check if he is breathing just as Shirley McClaine did.

The plan now is to get a decent nights rest and boost up that positive energy so we can delve into everything that tomorrow brings with a bright and shiny attitude. What could be better than taking the little wonderboy home? Well, bringing him home to his big brother Brendan of course!

Finally just a quick little spot of humor. Brendan loves to run up to April when she is trying to pump and says BOOBS! Not quite sure where he learned the word...but he did. Yesterday he walked up to April when she was getting the pump ready and said BOOBS. Then he proceeded to try to put the funnels up to his own chest and when he realized that was not going to work...he went rooting under Aprils shirt to try to get her hooked up and ready to go. I guess that is better than yesterday when he was using one of the funnels as glasses. Something tells me we will have a whole bunch of new humorous Brendan moments once Owen gets home. Here's Hoping!

Ash Wednesday

We decided to take Brendan with us to see Owen today. The last time he saw Owen he was hooked up to all the IV's and monitors. He walked right over to the crib to check out his little brother. I changed Owen's diaper and Brendan watched. When I sat down with Owen, Brendan climbed up on my lap with his book. He was afraid to touch him but was ok just looking on.

My sister, Ashley, flew home Sunday to meet Owen. We decided to bring her along to help out with Brendan when we were trying to do feedings. Brendan was not amused when Ashley held Owen.

It was a long day and Brendan was not on his best behavior. I think it's a lot for him to take in and being in a hospital setting is not helping. Oh, the fun we have ahead.

There really isn't anything new to report right now. Owen continues to eat well. They have him on a very militant schedule. They don't allow much variation from that schedule. I understand that, but it doesn't always work for him. If he's still sleeping they wake him to eat. That works fine when he's feeding from a bottle because he doesn't have to work too much for it. But for him to be able to nurse we need his full attention which we didn't really get today until we gave up and I'd pump. That's ok, something to work on.

There is still talk of him coming home SOON. Possibly by the weekend. Hopefully we will have more definite plans tomorrow. He has a bunch more blood tests to have run tomorrow. Honestly, I have no idea what for. The nurse said today that most of the results won't be in because they get sent out but they won't keep a thriving baby in the hospital waiting on tests.

His muscle tone continues to get stronger every day. His head is not very strong but stronger than it was yesterday. One day at a time.

Here are some pictures from today.

Ready to Run

We came home last night to sleep and are heading back to Madison soon. Brendan and Jeremy are still asleep. Yesterday after we were told that Owen may be sent home in the next week or so, we spent a majority of the day with him. We were able to feed him and he actually nursed once yesterday. I was convinced that would be a challenge but he needed no direction or encouragement. I've been skeptical about it because you have no idea how much he is getting.

There is a routine every time he eats. We have to take his temp, change his pants, remove him from the bilirubin blanket, bundle him up, and weigh him...if he is going to nurse. Once he is done eating we weigh him again to see exactly how much he got. I told Jeremy that once we get home I'm going to break out the meat scale to weigh him for my own peace of mind. :)

In addition to eating, he continues to have dirty diapers just like he should. It's really sad when there is a celebration in his room because he pooped. If you know Jeremy and his love for all things poop related, it's even better when Jeremy is leading that celebration.

The last feeding he was awake but not wide awake. We did everything we could to get him roused so we could play with him for a bit before we left but he had no interest. The hospital has volunteers that come in to hold the babies. So, as we were leaving, they brought in his cuddler. That little shit woke up for her and was interacting with her better than I've ever seen him interact. He was focused on every word she said. As she talked his little mouth was going like he was talking back. Talk about guilt trip!

Here are a couple pictures from yesterday. We kept the light pretty low in there so the pictures are pretty dark. You can see in the one that he is still pretty jaundice, but we are anxious to get back today to find out of it's dropped at all today. There is also a video from the other night of part of his first bath.

Unexpected Surprises

We got up all night last night with Owen to feed, diaper and change our little man. Each time he was alert...ate like a pig...and filled our hearts with joy. I feel bad that he is sick and has to go through such lengths to keep mom and dad from losing his mind...but he is doing it.

The night nurse was very nice. Since she was on all night, she reviewed Owen's records and thinks it is nothing short of amazing the way he is reacting and behaving. She reminded me to be cautiously optimistic because he is very sick...but thinks he is a wonder. The nurse was so nice to him but she had it so dark in his room. She explained that part of the reason his head is so floppy is because he probably has a killer headache (like the worst migraine you could ever imagine). She said she keeps the lights dim, any strong smells or loud sounds at a minimum so that it does not aggravate him. That made perfect sense. His milk intake has been increased and he will be taken off the IV that gives him the sugar water if he continues.

That was the good news....now for the unknown. This morning we headed up to see Owen. They measured the circumference of his head and found that he has not swollen anymore which is good. His billy score (that measures his jaundice)...unfortunately it had increased from 9 to 11.2 so he will need to remain on the blanket. His breathing pulse, temperature and breathing were all excellent. None of his blood tests reflected anything horrible so he is holding his own.

We met with the neurosurgeon shortly after his feeding and it was a reality check for us. He started by taking us to see the different scans of Owen. We had only seen one of these before and even as I looked at it, it seemed like I had never seen it before. The blood fills a large amount of the right side of his brain. My heart hit the floor when he asked us to come with him to see the scans because I don't ever want bad news...I have had my fill. But he wanted to show it to us as more of an introduction to the conversation. Once he got us back to the room he explained that this bleed will most likely cause encephalitis (fluid on and swelling of the brain). Right now he feels that there is a 95% chance he will end up with this condition. One other option he suggested was trying to drain the blood which would involve drilling a hole in his skull and tunneling through a small amount of brain tissue with a tube to remove the blood. He said the procedure is fairly common but the effect is unknown. He said that they have all been researching and debating Owen's condition for days and that his condition is so rare that they cannot find any literature on it at all. So they cannot give us numbers or statistics...it is all "I don't know what will happen". The neurosurgeon felt that with this procedure Owen would have an 80% chance of getting encephalitis. The problem is, they just don't know the advantages or disadvantages of anything because everything is a risk. They just know that the blood and the fluid are not a good thing. The doctor said that until they know for sure if Owen has a clotting issue they would not do the operation because if he did...the blood would only return after it was drained. In which case, it would be better to just leave it. He told us we could talk and we would just take it from there. April and I were both a little quiet and frightened as we let all of this sink in on our way back down to the room. That was going to be the end of this blog....a little disheartening and worrisome....until....

BREAKING NEWS: The nurse came into April's room to tell us Dr. Elmo needed to speak to us and he would be coming to the room so we should stay put. We had just ordered breakfast and were trying to figure out how we would be able to consume it if he said something awful. Dr. Elmo came in with his intern and sat down and said Owen was looking good today. He said that he was alert and eating like a champ. His legs were very strong...his arms could be stronger (but he has also had arm boards and IV's hooked to them for days which makes it kind of hard to strengthen them. He asked if we talked to the surgeon and we said we had. He then went on to say he thought it would be pointless to have the surgery to remove the blood at this point because the risks equal the benefits. The surgery could be risky and the outcome may not be that different. All I was thinking is...scary stuff and started to go numb just listening to the jargon. But then he went on to say that outside of the blood concern, he is a healthy little boy and..........wait for it.........there is a strong possibility that they can send him home soon!!! I think I may have lost my bladder at that point because it was not what I was planning to hear. I immediately asked....what about the blood?...what about encephalitis?...what the heck? Dr. Elmo said that the blood would be a bit of a process to absorb back into the system. While there was a risk of encephalitis...it would be something that would happen gradually and if we saw symptoms we could bring him in. He said he would order regular ultrasounds to track the blood and keep track of possible fluid. If encephalitis occured, a shunt would be needed and he would be readmitted at that time...but right now he is very stable. He explained the road ahead is a long one but we can only take it one step at a time.

WOW! Breakfast tasted a whole lot better than anticipated. I think we both have a little spring in our step....and keep that positive energy coming because it is working and Owen may be coming home soon! HURRAH!!!!! And we will top it all of with some pictures for yesterday. We are heading back up for his 11:00 feeding. They may let him try nursing this round.

His first feeding with nurse Babbles...



Just chillin' with Dad


His first bath



This was his first feeding with Dad. When you use the flash on him, his skin looks horrible. You can see how sore his little cheeks looked from the tubes and tape that were covering his face. All that is gone today.

Just another day in paradise

I think that I'm going to have to change my blog from Mommie Dearest to Daddy Dearest soon. Jeremy's doing too good of a job with the updates. I have some pictures that were taken today that I will likely post seperately tomorrow. I'm too tired right now and making you wait builds a little suspense.

Thank you to everyone for your thoughts and prayers. We cannot thank you enough. Thanks, Michelle, for the teddy bear that was sent to Owen. It's in his room with him now.

Today marked the 72 hour mark. A major milestone for Mr. Owen as he battles all of the challenges that have been presented to him.

April and I started off the morning with a nice breakfast in the her hospital room. It was the first time since this whole ordeal started that we were able to calmly ingest some food without a huge sense of dread as to what would happen next up in the NICU.

We headed up to Owen's room just in time for the doctor's to have their morning meeting at his bedside. It was during that meeting that we got a pretty good rundown on how our little fighter is doing. His platelet count had risen since he had the plasma given to him. His numbers were far from fantastic but it was better. The status of his jaundice had stayed the same. He still needs to be under the bilirubin light. They did not notice any swelling of the skull so that was a plus. He was more responsive this morning than he had been the past couple of days. His body tone was lower than what they want....but that can be attributed to the phenobarbital he is being given that can cause him to be a little more lethargic and groggy than normal. His breathing continues to be good. His temperature is becoming more stable. So basically, the blood in his brain is bad...but the rest of him is in decent operating condition. Tests now showed that Owen was producing factor 13 on his own which means that it was not the issue and they still needed to find an new theory as to why this brain bleed took place.

We met a new nurse today. Her name is Babette...but I will refer to her as Babbles because she never shuts up and really says nothing of importance. Not to mention that she chooses to enforce all sorts of rules that we have never had to concern ourselves with before and that is irritating. But on a positive note...she was great to Owen and I guess that is all that matters.

As the Doctor's group consultation convened...things really start to get good. They had decided that it was no longer necessary for Owen to be in the incubator. They also decided they could safely remove the little air tube in house mouth that ran to his stomach....AND we could begin to feed him ourselves. Babbles removed the little tube from Owen's throat and it ticked him off and he started crying. It was again one of the most beautiful sounds I have ever heard. We, of course, do not want him to be hurt...but to see him angry and healthily wriggling around is comforting to us as we have seen him do so little of that lately. Next, the nurse let April change his diaper for the FIRST TIME ever. He is so little that his diaper looks like a gauze pad...but it was still very exciting. The day of first continued because they decided to allow Owen to be covered with a bilirubin blanket instead of the big bilirubin light. This meant that he would no longer have to wear the goggles that covered his eyes and most of his head and he would also be able to wear clothes. He has to wear a sleeper that is way to big for him because they need to make room for his IV cords and the billy blanket they need to tuck inside...but that is progress. Next she decided she would let him sample a tiny bottle of breast milk to see if 1) he would eat 2) he understood the suck and swallow concept 3) he could keep the food down. Owen is a pro. He sucked that bottle down so fast that it was more of a gulping than a feeding. It was wonderful. Then Babbles handed him over to me for some one on one time. April and I both took turns just cuddling him and looking at his little face with NO wires, tubes, tapes or masks over it for the first time since the whole incident. He was extremely alert and would follow us with his eyes. He would kick...and move his fingers. He cannot do a great deal with his arms because he has these arm boards and IV's in both arms that limits his mobility. After we played with him for a while he headed back to his incubator for a while...but was allowed to have his clothes on and his billy blanket rather than the overhead light. After he went back to bed we headed off to lunch.

When I went in a bit later the nerve doctor was looking Owen over. This doctor looks like the guy that talks to Elmo on Sesame Street (the same actor with the mouse in The Green Mile) so we will refer to him as Dr. Elmo. Dr. Elmo informed me that a neurosurgeon would be coming to Owen's room soon to discuss possibly trying to extract some of the blood from Owen's brain. This was a scary thought...but I decided not to freak until after I talked to the guy. After waiting for him to show up for a while....our good friend Babbles informed us the surgeon was not coming today. I was a little irritated because Owen was also given a new ultrasound today and I did not know the results. I think Babbles knew I was irritated because a couple of minutes after I mentioned that I wanted someone to explain his ultrasound to me...and she told me no one was there....all of a sudden Dr. Elmo reappeared.

Dr. Elmo let us know that Owen still had a very large amount of blood in his brain. A majority of the blood is in the right side of his brain. This is bad and can cause disability....but the left side of the brain is the more operational side of the brain so if one side of the brain needs to be under distress...the right side would be slightly less tragic. He said it is hard to tell from the scans exactly how much of the darker area is blood and how much of it is swollen brain tissue. He explained that he appears outwardly to be much healthier than he really is because he has a major trauma going on inside his head. How much trauma and how it will affect him is still unknown...but he is concerned that the longer than blood is pushing on the brain the more issues it could cause. Dr. Elmo said the surgeon would be here in the morning and evaluate Owen and then we could proceed. He said that the monitors were picking up some minor electrical seizure activity but nothing clinical. He explained that this could still be being caused by the swelling on the brain and they would continue to watch it. He did end his discussion with some really wonderful news. While we will not know the effects this blood is having on Owens brain until more time progresses...he did feel that Owen has surpassed the critical period of whether he will make it or not and we should be able to breathe a breath of relief that he is not going anywhere. HALLELUJAH!!!!!!

The day continued to be good times when I was able to feed him for the first time myself during his 2 o clock feeding. Once again he gulped down the small quantity of milk....but he did not wet his diaper and that was worrisome. Once again we got to play and he entertained us just by being Owen. After he was done eating he was wrapped up and put in his crib. No more incubator for him! A bit later we headed up again and April fed him this time. Once again a trooper and he concluded the feeding with a diaper that (while it may be gross) was filled with dark fluid meaning his body was trying to get that jaundice out of there....and that is good! The nurse also decided we would have a little more fun the next time we were up because we could give Owen his first bath.

7:30 came and we headed up to Owen's room. Once again he gave us a diaper with a good indication that he was fighting in it. And then we got to give him a bath. Finally we were able to wash off all of the adhesive residue off of his face and head. We got to wash him and lotion him and while it seems minor...it was nothing short of a miracle to see him crying and kicking....grimacing when the water poured over his head....relaxing when we massaged the lotion into his skin. He is so skinny! His little chicken legs were kicking all over. He kind of looks like a baby rat in the nude because his skin is reddish in tone and kind of wrinkles when you maneuver him because there is not much fat to fill him out. After his bath he ate again with an increased amount of milk and no complications. April and I talked to him and cuddled him for the next half an hour or so and he was wide awake and alert.

I realize that compared to the ride we have had the last few days...this all seems simplistic and dull to the average reader. But I cannot begin to describe how monumental and wonderful it all was from my perspective. As the day progressed I realized I have a whole new perspective on life and its miracles. Where diapers, feeding, bathing....are just the basic elements of parenting...when you are denied those simple tasks as your child struggles to live...you appreciate it so incredibly much more when you are given that opportunity to provide those services to me.

I am so incredibly thankful to have Owen here. I try not to skip ahead to whats next because I realize how crucial it is to just appreciate what is in the moment. I think April and I agree that this struggle has really left us a little paranoid because anytime he twitches we wonder if he is having a seizure. If he gazes somewhere other than at us we worry if there is something wrong. If he inhales deeply we worry he is having trouble breathing. The uncertainty of the effects of this blood can cause a certain degree of paranoia in anyone. But as soon as the pressure starts to build to the point of an anxiety attack I think to myself....who cares? Owen is here and he is fighting. He has made leaps and bounds against some MAJOR obstacles and come out smelling like a rose (actually Johnson and Johnson baby soap but that is just as well). He isn't giving up and he has proved it so we have no reason to doubt his durability and that is where you come into play.

I've always believed in the power of positive thinking and positive energy...but I have never needed to really test the theory as much as I do now. April and I love Owen with all of our hearts and we believe in him....but I think a big contributor to his success has been all the thoughts, prayers, positive thinking and well wishes from all of you. I cannot possibly express enough my gratitude for this outpouring of care and concern. This sensational little man has hopefully conquered one major obstacle but he has some even greater challenges to work though in the future and I would appreciate it if you would all continue to hope and pray for Owen to have the strength to continue to be the miracle that he is. PRAY....WISH....HOPE...lets strive to strengthen Owen up and get him home where he belongs!

Right now Owen is hooked to an IV that provides him some extra nourishment. If he continues to eat well...this will be discontinued when the latest bag of nourishment runs out and he will just be given a little sodium/sugar water through his IV just to keep some levels up. His phenobarbital will start being given to him orally tomorrow so that IV will be removed to. He does still have a couple of monitor patches on his chest to track his heart and oxygen and those may stay on for a while. He has NOTHING on his face and head and that is so wonderful to get to watch his little face without the distraction of tubes and wires. As he continues to grow stronger, the billy blanket will be removed and he will be more and more accessible. And hopefully as the days progress the blood will begin to subside and his tone will improve (although I should mention that when the Dr. checked him in the afternoon she said his tone was far from great but HAD improved since the last time she looked at him).

It is amazing how humble you become when life shakes you to the core. Owen has proven to me that every second counts and a great amount of joy can be found in a simple glance or squeezing of the finger. He is such an incredible little wonder that I cannot imagine a world without him in it. I cannot wait to continue to be his father and give him all of the love and guidance he needs to feel safe, happy and secure.

Comic Relief

I knew Jeremy said it in our last update, but Brendan has been beyond wonderful the last few days. The kid knows exactly when to swoop in and save the day whether it be with his entertainment, never ending hugs, or just being a good boy. Considering how incredibly bored he has got to be, the kid has been a trooper. Here is a picture I took of him a last week at home. It's just too cute too not share. But, goodness, look how big he looks!

How sweet it is

Here are a few pictures from the day Owen was born and a few from last night when we got to hold him. If you haven't already, be sure to scroll down and read the update we posted last night. We will try to post again tonight if we can.

I am a warrior

Considering how horrendous the last couple of days have been....the powers that be decided to give us a little holiday in paradise today. We headed up to the NICU this morning to find out how Owen was doing. He was still about the same...not worse and I guess that was all that mattered. They had run some blood work on him the previous evening and found that he was lacking a certain clotting agent in his blood called Factor 13. Apparently there are numerous proteins in the blood that assist in clotting and this Factor 13 is one of them. It is very rare to be missing this protein and the only reason they even checked for it was because most of the other labs they were running were inconclusive for major problems so they kept delving deeper. The fact that this clotting agent is missing from his blood is good because it is something they can substitute into his bloodstream whenever he should need it and the problem was not an aneurysm or malformation of the ventricles in his brain. His platelet count was also a little lower than it needed to be and they assume it is because he is still fighting the blood to disintegrate the blood in his brain. They also believe that he has no active bleeding in his brain which means the blood that is there has caused the damage it has...but they do not think there is any further blood flowing into that area. They gave him a transfusion of plasma and crypto something or another to boost his levels...and we will no tomorrow morning what effects this has had on his condition. He has also been placed under bilirubin light for jaundice which was caused (most likely as a result of the blood on the brain). While they were treating all of his issues, the poor thing was more and more "hooked up". The respirator taped to his face took up his whole mouth and cheek area. The goggles over his eyes to prevent damage from the lights took up his whole upper head...and the IV's and monitors hanging from his limbs covered most of the fleshy area there. Add to that a little heat rash and he was one worrisome little man. But he was here...so we were happy.

Then the day took a turn for....wait for it....the BETTER when we were told that he was breathing over his respirator a majority of the time and he would most likely have his air tubes removed from his mouth so he could breathe on his own! I was a bit skeptical that this would work, but excited at the same time. As our company arrived and visited throughout the early part of the day...you could see Owen moving his mouth below the respirator and his limbs were reaching and grabbing...his stomach lifting and dropping as he breathed. It was the most action we have seen from him since the incident on Friday.

In the late afternoon, they removed the respirator. And our little man has been breathing on his own ever since!! So far his readings have been very good. We were both worried that he might stop breathing again, but have been told they are monitoring him closely. His little mouth is visible again.

We were just starting to feel a little more confident when one of the student doctors came in to explain what Factor 13 was and what it meant for Owen. I will refer to this doctor as Bitch Face because she made me start to worry again and I wanted to strangle her. Bitch Face explained Factor 13 and that it was an agent that could be replaced and was not life threatening. That was great...but then I mentioned that I thought he was doing better today because he was so active and that he was off the respirator. She replied that meant nothing. Most of the motions he made was reflexive and not as a response of outside stimulation. It was all reflexes and there was really no evidence to prove otherwise. My response to this was a shrewdly delivered inquiry as to whether she was a real doctor to which she informed me she was doing her internship here. So I choose to ignore her. I needed to point this out because it was upsetting.

Leave it to Yoko Ono to save the day. An alarm had gone off on one of Owen's monitors of his vitals. She soothingly explained it was not a big deal he had most likely moved his foot wrong and it set something off and then proceeded to explain everything on the screen. I love Yoko. Anyway, she went on to look over Owen and say how thrilled she was to see his progress. She said the scan she had seen with the blood was very grim but her gut says things will be okay. Yoko said she always goes with her gut and if her gut said otherwise she would tell us...but right now her gut says things will be okay. Thank you Yoko for the sensitivity and the hope.

In the early evening, all our visitors headed home for the day and begrudgingly, April and I decided to send Brendan home for the evening with April's parents. Let me just say that Brendan had been INCREDIBLE through all of this. He has given the perfect amount of hugs and comic relief to make any situation tolerable. He loves his little brother and often walks down the hallway saying "Owen! Where are you Owen? Come here!" He lights up every time he see Owen in his incubator....and I am very fortunate to have two incredible kids like Owen and Brendan. I had come down to April's hospital room after Dr. Bitch Face made me worry and Brendan and I were laying on the bed watching TV and he took a swig of my pop and said "Delicious!" I have never taught him that word...but he never fails to entertain.

Anyway, back to our story. April and I were both sad to see Brendan go and headed back up to the NICU with heavy hearts to go and see Owen. When we got there, the head nurse said Owen's breathing was still doing very well and she felt that now that he was no longer on the respirator, we could hold him for a little while. Not long because he needed the lights and heat...but just for a short period of time. What ensued was sheer bliss. The nurse turned off his light and took the mask off of his eyes. And there he was....our perfect little son. His adorable little face with features similar to his big brother Brendan's (minus the big cheeks). As she was removing him from the incubator Owen opened his eyes and looked around. Seeing him open his eyes and wiggle around gave us both such an intense feeling of joy you could just feel the entire room light up. I was fortunate enough to get to hold him first and the nurse set him in my arms. April talked to him and he opened his eyes again to look at her and followed her with his eyes when she moved. Seems minor but to us it was major. They gave us an ugly little purple hat to keep his head warm and he dozed back to sleep. He was much weaker then Brendan was at that age....but he was still perfect. You could see some yellow from the effects of the jaundice...but still it was wondrous. Every little expression he made was imprinted into my memory. Seeing his whole little face without all of the wires and tape was nothing short of incredible. April and I both got to kiss him and hold him and it was exactly what we needed after everything that has occurred. After 15 minutes...we switched spots and April held Owen. He knew he was with his Mom and I swear I saw a little smile (no it was not gas). We were only able to have him out 30 minutes...but those 30 minutes were some of the greatest minutes of my life. It only made me love him more.

Eventually we needed to return him to the incubator and his face mask. April was playing with him through the access holes and ticked him off to the point where he started to cry. It was not as forceful of a cry as he had when he was first born but it was one of the most beautiful sounds I have ever heard. She calmed him right away but he continued to make facial expressions and kick his feet. It was incredible and we are going to go to bed tonight hopeful....regardless of what the doctors say.

Tomorrow Owen will be having an ultrasound to see how much blood is in his brain and what problems it may be causing. He will also have more blood tests to check his levels and see how the treatments are working for him. He is far from being "out of the woods" but right now...we are okay. We had a really nice day with both of our sons...as well as our family and friends...and that has allowed us to produce enough hope and positive energy to trudge through another day.

Thanks again for all of the prayers and well wishes and please continue to do so....it really is helping. Our little Owen is a warrior and the encouragement can do wonders.

Calling all angels

Because my mind is absolute mush right now, I asked Jeremy to help me with this post. He has an amazing talent for retaining and comprehending things under stress while I tend to be processing things much slower. This may have quickly just become a joint blog. We will try to update you with things as often as we can. Hopefully, I will be discharged on Monday and we can get into some sort of routine. Right now things are a crazy mess.

We do have some pictures to post, but I seem to have lost my camera. I'm thinking that I may have left it in the car when I did NOT escape from the hospital yesterday. So, as soon as we find it I will post those.

Here is what has been happening.

As many of you are well aware...April and I have been subjected to some unexpected and extreme circumstances since the delivery of our son Owen a couple of days ago. Things have been such a roller coaster ride that although we have tried to let everyone know what's going on and how things are progressing....it has been virtually impossible to do so because everything goes minute by minute. So here is the story of our little Owen..............

April's water broke unexpectedly on Wed night/Thurs Morning around 1am. Outside of the water breaking...April really wasn't having any symptoms of going into labor. She called the hospital and they were not overly concerned that her water had broken and told her to come in the morning. So we casually packed up our car the next morning and dropped Brendan off at his Grandma Ahlers and headed off to the hospital. Once we arrived at the hospital they sent us off to our room and did an initial exam on April. She was not dilated very far (only about 1 to 2 cm). The doctor has told us a couple of weeks ago that anytime April went into labor...the baby was ready to go. We told this to the nurse as she was examining April and she was surprised since the baby felt so little. This was strange to us because the doctor had always said he was good sized. None the less, it didn't matter because we were excited to meet him. The nurse started April on some pitocin to get contractions going. And that is where we were most of the afternoon....dealing with a few minor contractions and really no progress. During one contraction Owen's heart rate dropped significantly and they moved April to a different position and the rate increased. The nurse just figured it was a case of bad positioning and the baby just reacted to it negatively.

As the evening progressed, the pitocin was increased but the contractions were still inconsistent and there was no more dilation. The contractions did become more intense and April eventually opted for an epidural. They got everything in place and laid her on her back while the medication kicked in. During that time she had a few contractions all of which caused Owen's heart rate to lower. They figured it was because she was on her back and repositioning would remedy the issue. It was soon clear that this was not the case as his heart rate dropped significantly during each contraction regardless of what position April was in. The nurses were concerned and called the doctor in from home to examine April and determine the best way to deliver Owen safely. Upon examination, the doctor decided April was nowhere near ready to deliver the baby naturally and with the stress the baby was experiencing a c-section would need to be performed immediately. From my perspective, I was actually relieved they were intending to do the c-section because the dropping heart rate was really worrying me. The doctor called in the surgeon and everyone necessary to get the procedure underway. Before we knew it, April had been whisked into the operating room and prepped for surgery. I was lead down to be with her in a fancy set of scrubs and face mask. In a matter of minutes I was told I could stand up and view over the curtain as Owen joined us for the first time outside of the womb.

There he was, 10 fingers, 10 toes and completely perfect. They whisked him off to the examination table to check his airways and that first real beller of our newborn son rang through the room. It was a relief to hear that wonderful sound. They brought him over to us and he was every bit as wonderful as I thought he would be. Big wide eyes...little fingers gripped in a fist. Perfect. After letting us see him for a moment...they took him over to the table to examine and weigh him. His APGAR score was an 8 when he was first delivered and when they checked him after they showed him to us...they gave him a 10. Excellent. He weight was 5 lbs. 10 oz. which was much smaller than we had anticipated, but no one seemed concerned so neither did we. I did hear them make the comment that they should send in the placenta for testing because his umbilical cord was quite narrow and the placenta was small. But again, it seemed like no cause for alarm. The atmosphere in the delivery room was actually quite festive as they cleaned up Owen and stitched up April. The doctors joked and told stories...we got to hold Owen some more. Everything had gone off without a hitch and our baby boy was here.

Once April was stitched and stabilized, they wheeled her back to our room. For the next hour they checked her to make sure she was coming out of the anesthesia well. We did not see a whole lot Owen during that period of time that they were stabilizing April. As soon as they had her settled, they brought Owen in to try feeding and he immediately knew what to do. April was still pretty groggy and immobile, so she was not able to get a real good look at her new son...but all was well and that was what mattered. The staff continued to go in and out of the room for the next couple of hours. The nurses felt Owen's temperature was a bit lower than what it should be so they were going to put him in an incubator for a while to bring his temperature up. By 6 or so in the morning, we asked if we could bring him in for a feeding and the nurse explained they were still trying to stabilize his temperature and they could not bring him in at the moment. They were also giving him an IV to raise his glucose level. But they assured us things were going well and in many newborns these were things that happened.

As the morning progressed the nurse finally brought Owen into our room swaddled tightly in blankets. He needed to be wrapped securely as they could not put a shirt on him because of the IV they had inserted into his arm. April finally got to see our son face on and interact with him. His eyes were wide with curiosity and he was extremely active. The nurses came in every half an hour to check his glucose and temperature and that pissed him off. He cried a very healthy infant cry and I remember even commenting on the fact that there were no problems with that little ones lungs. After a bit, the nurse took April into the bathroom to freshen up and I was able to spend a little one on one time with Owen. Perfect. Every time I looked at his little face and those wide eyes I felt so thrilled to finally have him here. I marveled at his tiny little size but he was very active and alert. After April came out of the bathroom, I handed Owen back over to her and she sat in the rocking chair. General conversation ensued. We asked lots of questions about the testing that they had done initially with Owen and whether any of the numbers with his glucose or temperature were cause for concern. The nurse said everything seemed positive. She explained that a couple numbers were lower than what they had liked, but this was commonplace with newborns, especially with smaller newborns. She said Owen was actually a weight that would be considered a preemie weight even though he was full term. She explained another battery of tests would be run at noon and more information would be known then...but all was well. As we were talking we noticed Owen doing a very slow "yes" motion with his head. He would slowly lift his chin up and then back down. At first we thought he might just be adjusting but then it was repetitive. We asked the nurse about it and she said she had never seen anything like that before. She laid him in his crib and he made a similar motion. She flipped him on his stomach and again he made repetitive movements. The nurse took his temperature and said it was a bit lower than she was comfortable with and she would take Owen with her and incubate him while they waited for the tests to be run. She said she would ask the doctor about the motions and send him to our room in a while with the results. We were exhausted as we both had not slept in well over a day. We were expecting company to start coming around noon as we had gotten word out that our little treasure was here...so we decided to take Owen's brief absence as an opportunity to get some rest. We were really excited to share our newest son with all of our friends and loved ones. This was around 10:30 a.m. I dozed off on the terribly uncomfortable pull out bed and had just started to slide a little deeper into rest when I was jolted awake by the hospital intercom. CODE BLUE IN THE BIRTHING CENTER. Immediately alarmed but in denial, I shot out of bed and started slipping on my shoes. April woke instantly but because of all of the IV's she was hooked to and her recent surgery, there was no way she could take off in a dead run. She did, however, expect me to. She glanced down at me frantically putting on my shoes and said "Don't worry about the shoes just go." I looked at her and continued to finish sliding on my shoes, through on my hat and headed down the hall. In retrospect I realize that while that was completely stupid, the reason I did it was because subconsciously I was in denial that it could have possibly been our child that was in danger and rushing would have validated that I thought it was him.

As I made my way down the hall doctors and nurses were coming from everywhere rushing to the nursery behind the front desk. I was extremely alarmed but proceeded down the hall in a daze. By the time I got to the desk I just stood there and watched and people continued to file into the nursery from everywhere. The lead nurse said we got him, don't worry to the others around her. I saw someone look up and approach me as I glanced into the room and saw them backing away from Owen's crib. I asked what happened and they said he had stopped breathing completely and had started turning blue and they needed to pump him to get his breathing going again, but he was okay. They were going to call Madison to see what they would recommend as preventative measures in case he had anymore issues but all was okay. They were just happy that had him down there to monitor him so they were able to catch him and remedy the issue before it could have caused an irreversible damage. I went in and looked at Owen to see him stable and hooked up to a couple of monitors. Once I was confident it was alright, I headed back down to our room to explain to April what happened. She had already gotten out of bed and was heading towards me.

What came next is sort of a blur as the stress of it all caused me to sort of lose track of time. Owen's breathing stopped and he needed to be resuscitated more times. They had called Meriter hospital and ordered a transport to take him from Reedsburg to Madison. The last time he stopped breathing, they had quite a bit of difficulty getting him to start again, so they chose to put a tube down his throat and breathe for him. They sedated him so that he did not move and taped his eyes shut so there was no chance of injuring his eyes and we waited. My mom and April's mom and sister showed up at the hospital. My cousin Traci came up from the cardiac unit for support and we waited. There was Owen, hours old, laying under this lamp with tubes down his throat and tape over his eyes clinging on to life. Multiple health workers poked and prodded him for tests. It was impossibly hard to watch and the worry we felt was indescribable.

It seemed like forever, but the doctors from Meriter finally arrived to transport Owen to Madison. They put him on a breathing machine and secured him into an incubator and wheeled him down to our room for us to say our "good lucks". They explained all of the things that could be causing the issues, but generally the tone was pretty optimistic. He could have a rough road ahead, but ultimately things could be just fine. Why then were the nurses wanting to take photographs with us touching him and saying goodbye?

As soon as they wheeled him out of the hospital, I packed my things and headed for home to get Brendan, some toiletries and head off to Madison. April was transported separately by ambulance to Meriter so she could be admitted and proceed up to the NICU unit to see Owen. We were told they would be doing a brain scan, a spinal tap and a couple of other procedures to diagnose his condition and hopefully some answers would be presented later in the evening.

The trip to Madison is a blur. I was extremely tired and completely out of my mind with worry. Every awful "what if?" pounded through my mind. Brendan was in the back seat and I was thrilled to see him so I tried to focus on him and not the journey ahead. We got to Madison without incident and met April and headed of to the Intensive care unit.

The doctors met us when we arrived and Owen had been hooked up to even more machines including a breathing machine and laid still inside the incubator. What transpired next were conversations with multiple -ologists. I don't know the names of all of them so I will just tell you what they specialize in. We met the nurse "Yoko Ono" first who explained Owen was resting comfortably and gave us a quick run down of what he was hooked up to and why. The lead doctor of the intensive care unit and the brain doctor showed up next. They explained that the brain scan indicated that Owen had had an intraventricular hemorrhage (bleeding of the brain). They said it was one of the most extreme cases they had ever seen and extremely problematic. We were informed his mortality was absolutely in question and his quality of life should he survive extremely questionable. Because of the amount of blood....should he survive....the chances of a completely average lifestyle was an impossibility. There would most definitely be some form of motor skill issues and possibly communicational/ learning difficulties. They showed us the scan and pointed out that the blood was in the center of the brain and the tissue around it was different than what they wanted to see and he was in grave danger. This was not a good situation and the best case scenario was not going to be a good one. They did not know why this happened and more tests would be needed to course a plan of action. All they could tell us was it was dire and they were working on all of the angles.

When the doctors walked out of the room April and I were both sitting silent and breathless as if we had been punched in the stomach. The nurse (Yoko Ono) was still working around Owen's incubator and when the doctors were out of earshot quietly said to us..."You know...what they just told you is not something I think you should take at face value. They gave you the absolute worse case scenario and that may not be the way it is. Babies brains are resilient and he could very well recover from this with little or no after effects. Don't walk away from this with that dread." This relieved a bit of the devastation from our minds but we were still completely distraught.

A short time later the nerve doctor came in. He again reiterated that bleeding of the brain in infants is fairly common in preemies but very uncommon in full term infants. He went on to say that the amount of blood in Owen's brain was the most extreme case he had never seen. He told us that there was a possibility the blood was absorb back in the system but that the brain would be affected by it. What he did not know was how much. He explained the bleeding could cause his head to swell and they may need to tap his skull to relieve the pressure. The doctor said that death was certainly a major concern and getting through the next 72 hours would be essential before we could really feel even a bit comfortable that he would live. After that, everything would be a waiting game as to whether he would react and act like a normal infant. Because this was such a horrible bleeding, he really could not give us any statistics. Once again, when he left the room, Yoko Ono tried to sooth us with the let's just wait and see approach. She pushed on the top of his head and said it was more firm as a result of the blood, but lets see how the next few hours go.

An MRI and EEG were ordered for Saturday morning and we just hoped all night long for the best. We visited with Owen and sat helplessly after vile after vile of blood was taken from his tiny, frail little frame. He was not alert and an occasional squeeze of the finger or wrinkle of the nose meant the world to us. Yoko Ono said he was still heavily sedated and was also being given antibiotics for possible infection so it was not abnormal for him to be so still. He needed the ventilator but his other vitals were good and they were just going to monitor him constantly. Unnerved but exhausted we went to bed.

The next morning we headed up to the NICU to check on Brendan and shortly after we got into his room, they told us he had been prepped and was being shipped to his MRI momentarily. We showed Brendan his little brother in the incubator and when we asked who that was he instantly answered as clear as day OWEN. He was extremely interested in seeing him and would open the doors on the side of his incubator and peek at him. It was exciting and heart breaking to see such a positive reaction to Brendan and his role as big brother. Moments later we left so they could perform his tests.

A couple of hours later we returned. We met with the blood doctors who said Owen's platelet count was low...and that they would be testing his blood for a series of clotting disorders and other possible causes for the bleeding. They did point out that bleeding could sometimes be treated and the child could live an absolutely normal existence (something a little brighter than we had heard before at least from a doctor). We were allowed to visit with Owen for a short period of time before we were booted for a "few minutes" while the nurses drew blood work.

We checked back multiple times to see if we could see Owen and were told he was "almost ready"...."just a few more minutes" Over two hours later I decided to go get something to drink and as I was getting on the elevator heard the front desk nurse calling to see if there was a Chaplain on site. My heart sunk and I sent April a message to have her ask why we could not get in while I made my way to my car. Thankfully we never found out why they needed a Chaplain, but Owen had actually been taken in for an EEG and would be available "soon."

A while later we were able to see Owen and the nerve doctor. When we arrived in his room he had multiple colored cords protruding from his tiny little head. Each electrode glued securely to his head. Once again, he was very still. The nerve doctor arrived and said the MRI had proved inconclusive for a cause for the bleed. They did not see any definitive source for the problem. His EEG results reflected that he did have alot of electrical activity in his brain (which is good). They did see some seizure activity, but it was mild, electrical but not clinical (clinical means very severe and damaging). We asked why he was so still and he explained he is in very grave condition and fighting for his life. He pointed out again that the bleeding was devastating and all they could do would be to attempt to treat the issue with any means possible. The goal at the moment was to keep him stable and alive.

After he left, we were told Owen was siffering from jaundice as a result of the bleeding and would need to be put on a light machine in addition to all of the other things he was hooked up to. They would put a shield over his eyes and the light would be kept on. This only added to the severity of the situation as you look at all of the different things he is hooked up to.

Owen held strong all evening long and shortly before I started this blog I went up to check on him. A doctor met me and asked me to sign an authorization to administer plasma and one other type of transfusion to Owen because he is lacking a particular protein that is a clotting agent. Without this, he could possibly continue to bleed compounding his issue. More tests are being run overnight. Some results will be available tomorrow, some not for days. Nothing can be done...but wait and hope. He is soiling diapers, he does grab your finger when you touch him and sometimes he opens his eyes and looks at you. He cannot cry because of the tubes down his throat. We also cannot feed him ourselves for the same reason. His color is good and his vitals other than the main issue are decent. But everything is about the timing and the effect. The next 48 hours will ultimately determine if he are able to proceed to the next level of hope and our first level of comfort.

April and I both just want him in our lives. What comes next is simply inconsequential. We can face the challenges as they present themselves....but we just want the opportunity to get to know our son. We hope for the simple things such as being given the opportunity to hold him (as he cannot be removed from the incubator because of all of the devices that monitor and protect him), change his diaper and feed him. It's amazing how important these simple tasks are missed when you are not given the opportunity to perform him.

We really don't know what to expect, so we will attempt to keep this blog updated so we can keep you in the know as things go on. His care is so time consuming that we figured this would be an easier way of updating everyone in a timely fashion. We appreciate your continued prayers and well wishes as Owen needs every ounce of hope and faith he can get to conquer these challenges. Considering how much has occured in such a short amount of time...the road ahead will be a long one.