Cracks In The Cement

It is hard to believe that it has only been a week since this whole situation with Mr. Owen began. It feels like it has been months. By the time April, Brendan and I headed home last night, you could see the wear and tear on our faces. Each one of us were irritable and moody. We held up so well during the eye of the storm....but as soon as things subsided a little bit (and thank GOD it did)...the stress and angst slapped us all at once.

A decent nights rest unfortunately did not make things all better. Brendan did not want to leave the house. He wanted to stay home with his stuff and just be left alone. April and I did not want to leave Brendan somewhere else (even though he has had superb care in our absence). It was a tense and emotional time dropping Brendan off at his Grandma's because he was unhappy to see us go. Sure, he was probably fine as soon as we walked out the door and has not thought twice about it since we left...but he managed to push all of the guilt buttons before we left. Of course we were excited to go and see Owen, but we also knew that realistically Brendan was not going to cooperate with another day in the hospital and we were not going to be able to contend with his surly mood.

As we drove to Madison, April and I were both feeling a little unnerved. Sure, we had gotten the news that Owen could possibly get to come home soon...but today we were going to have more tests run and did we want to contend with the results, especially if they were not good? I was conflicted because I knew that Owen needed all of the positive energy he could get and two weary parents were not going to deliver the goods.

When we arrived at the hospital, Owen was fidgeting around in his crib. We had a new nurse that LOVED to use air quotations on pretty much everything she said. She has been in charge of "CPR" for many years. Her son was in charge of a "bachelor party". Owen was going to need a series of "blood work" done. Why did any of these items need quotations? I still don't know. Outside of her super annoying air quotations...she was still very nice, so I should not complain. It did still humor me a bit when she would just sneak a one finger quotation here and there just for good measure. She let us know that the doctors had not done their rounds for Owen yet and that they needed to collect a significant amount of blood from Owen to do his blood tests. Owen was resting comfortably in his bed and the thought of having him poked and prodded even more kind of made me feel ill.

The doctors arrived began to discuss Owen's case. His placenta and umbilical cord tests came back and everything was good. They had been running tests to see if there were any infections or abnormalities that could have contributed to his bleed. They did not have any blood results obviously since the blood had not been drawn yet. His tone had improved and his breathing was great. They were impressed with the amount of food he had been ingesting and the number of diapers he had been dirtying. So overall, a decent report.

After the doctors left, April and I headed down to the cafeteria for some lunch. Not that you care...but hospital food is much better than it used to be. We have had to eat there many times over the course of the last few days and the food has been good and cheap! I had chicken Parmesan today and it was delicious. There is so much variety too....okay I am getting side tracked. We got back upstairs and sat in the lobby hoping we would miss out on the blood drawing. By the time we headed back, they were just about to begin the blood draw. When I saw the number of vials of blood they needed to fill....we chose to go and sit in the lobby. I am not scared of blood, but I did not want to hear my little man scream through all of the needles.

Owen was whiny today. We asked the doctor about it and she felt that he was a baby and that babies will do that. I understand that...but our paranoia meter is on overdrive. A while after his blood was drawn we received some results. His platelet count was up! Unfortunately so was his bilirubin score. But they felt jaundice was not a huge concern since his numbers fell in the norm for a 7 day old child. When the doctor examined Owen, she still felt he was looking great and felt he may still be able to go home on Friday. Of course, we are still nervous...but I don't think we will ever feel confident that everything is 100% wonderful, but does any parent? His temperature was very slightly high, but when we unwrapped him from a couple of blankets he was fine. Owen's final IV that was sitting unused was removed from his arm....so he is offically hooked up to absolutely nothing! We can now walk our baby anywhere in his room without any wires.

Dr. Elmo showed up with some of the most encouraging news of the day. He showed all of Owen's scans to a radiologist they have been working with for years and asked him to review Owen's brain scans. He felt that the blood in the brain is primarily swelling and inside the ventricles of the brain and NOT inside the brain matter itself. If this is the case, there could be a significantly reduced chance of ill effects as a result of the blood. He was fairly confident that this would lessen the chance of severe developmental issues. I was so excited I almost did a jig. Owen is perfection no matter what...but I will take any good news as I get. Dr. Elmo went on to say that Owen has really been doing great. It felt good (even though Yoko is still my hero) to hear an actual doctor show some optimism.

Tomorrow they will do a ultrasound on Owen in the morning to check the his brain and the bleed. We will also be meeting with the blood doctor's about their views on Owen's latest string of blood tests. If they like what they see and feel confident...Owen MAY be coming home tomorrow! Owen will need to go back to Madison in a week to see a neurosurgeon. He will need to revisit Dr.Elmo in a month. We will have a back up plan to have all updates sent to Owen's regular doctor in Reedsburg, so if we have any panic attacks about anything, we can take him to Reedsburg for an exam. If he does get to go home....April and I will probably be hovering over his crib obsessively every second of the day in constant worry....but he is a little trooper and he will probably just look up at us as he typically does, do a little huff and go back to sleep. If you've ever seen Terms of Endearment, imagine us taking turns climbing in his crib to check if he is breathing just as Shirley McClaine did.

The plan now is to get a decent nights rest and boost up that positive energy so we can delve into everything that tomorrow brings with a bright and shiny attitude. What could be better than taking the little wonderboy home? Well, bringing him home to his big brother Brendan of course!

Finally just a quick little spot of humor. Brendan loves to run up to April when she is trying to pump and says BOOBS! Not quite sure where he learned the word...but he did. Yesterday he walked up to April when she was getting the pump ready and said BOOBS. Then he proceeded to try to put the funnels up to his own chest and when he realized that was not going to work...he went rooting under Aprils shirt to try to get her hooked up and ready to go. I guess that is better than yesterday when he was using one of the funnels as glasses. Something tells me we will have a whole bunch of new humorous Brendan moments once Owen gets home. Here's Hoping!